April 30, 2004

Friday's Musings

My ex got a divorce using incompatibility as grounds. I still don't know how she caught me doing that. I guess I just didn't notice.

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future

There she was: dejected, desperate, and stoned. Everything I could have hoped for in a woman

I'm not looking for any woman in particular. In fact, the less particular she is, the better.

The day I started my last job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I wrote 'Yes, in that order.'

Do you know why mountain climbers rope themselves together? To keep the smart one's from going home

The best defense against logic is stupidity.

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.

May 1 is National Lawyers Day and Mother Goose Day - coincidence? I think not

May 3 is Lumpy Oatmeal Day

May 5 is Cinco de Mayo Day. For those of you that are "Hispanic challenged" - (Don't speak Spanish) the American Indians invented sandwiches but they were never a hit until Columbus brought a jar of his mother's mayonnaise along on his third visit to the Indies. It was such a hit that Columbus promised to send a ship full over in return for a load of tobacco. As the ship approached, a hurricane came up and began to sink the ship. As the survivors reached the shore, they thought they heard the "natives" yelling " The mayo's sinking" (In Spanish talk, that's "Cinco de Mayo") And that's the rest of the story!

Sara Lee today announced a 40% jump in earnings last quarter and they say it came primarily from their clothing division. Sara Lee also owns Playtex underwear.  What a brilliant business plan this company has. First, they sell you cheesecake and pie, and then when you split your underpants, they sell you more stuff

This was written inside the beltway - otherwise known as the "logic free zone."

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