January 14, 2005
Really BIG news in Absurdia! Right in the middle of tsunami's, mud slides, floods, famine and pestilence, ABC News put up a crawler on the TV screen announcing Brad Pitt and Monica (hehehe) are separating! I was devastated! Imagine! A Hollywood marriage failing! And I thought global warming was the end of the world.................
My girlfriend is such a cheat and a liar. I've been going with
her almost a year now, and I never would have known she was married until my
wife mentioned it just the other day
My grandpa told me to remember two things in life. Look out for Number One, and remember your number.
If you've ended up in hell with someone and are still mad at them, where do you tell them to go?
I slashed expenses last month. Everything was charged on one credit card so that it will cost only one stamp to pay all of my bills.
Sara's Section ..............................
This is Silent Record Week: [Where can one buy this?]
This is Women's Self Empowerment Week:
This is Someday We'll Laugh About This Week: [Oh yeah?]
This is Universal Letter Writing Week:
This is Cuckoo Dancing Week: [Have you been practicing?]
January 16 is Just Do It Day: [Sorry, I did it last week]
January 17 is Get to Know Your Customers Day:
January 18 is Religious Freedom Day: [In Islamic countries?
January 19 is Judgment Day: [Is this the one I have been hearing about!!!!!!!!!]
January 20 is Eagle Day
January 20 is Penguin Awareness Day:
Actual Headlines .......................................
DUDE! IF YOU HAVE TO STUDY IT, YOU DON'T GET IT: "Linguist Deciphers Uses of Word 'Dude'" -- AP headline
WAL-MART WORKER FIRED OVER Semi-Naked PHOTO The Associated Press Friday, January 7, 2005; 1:27 PM The AP didn't show the picture!
Actual Facts: (Things you need to know?)
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
More news from Absurdistan - CBS news investigated itself (Thornburg was not only a bad governor, he was in bed with CBS) The president of CBS and Dan Blather are still there. If Enron had done the same, Ken Lay would still be there and he would have fired two guys on the loading dock and one salesman. Would we, as citizens accept this? Only in Absurdistan..............
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