February 25, 2005

Fridays Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .................................

A new nuclear sub is to be named after ex-president Jimmy Carter. The sub will not go anywhere or do anything for four years and then sink but it will be highly respected by the elite media - and no one else.

Rand Corporation warned Tuesday that obesity is about to become the leading cause of preventable death, even ahead of tobacco. I guess those that quit smoking took up eating as a safe alternative ................


Just be thankful you're note getting all the government you're paying for.

The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle... Unless you die of something

I know people who are fastidious. I also know people who are slowtidious.

There are two kinds of people: Those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'All right, then, have it your way

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night


Sara's Section ..........................

February 27 is International Polar Bear Day

February 28 is Public Sleeping Day

February 26 is Floral Design Day (but only if you live in the tropics!)

March 1 is Babysitter Safety Day:

March 1 is also National Pig Day

March 1 is also Peanut Butter Lover's Day Can you say "Reece's Pieces?")

March 2 is Namesake Day

March 2 is also Old Stuff Day

March 2 is also NEA's Read Across America Day (On a bus?)

March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day

March 3 is also What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs?

March 4 is Hug a GI Day

March 4 is also International Pancake Day

March 4 is also Paczki Day What or who is a Paczki?)

March 4 is also Unique Names Day


Ever Wonder.....

Why women can't put ! on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?


Actual Headlines......

MASHER! "Mr. Potato Head Goes to the Dark Side" -- AP headline

TRUST ME, DAHLING -- A SHAR PEI IS SUPPOSED TO BE WRINKLY: "West Hollywood May Ban Cosmetic Surgery for Pets" -- Los Angeles Times headline

Breaking News from ABC NEWS.com: ITALIAN NEWS AGENCIES, DOCTORS MAY OPERATE ON AILING POPE

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over


Your humble correspondent, Al Welch, embedded with The Great Unwashed in Absurdia, the capitol of Absurdistan


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