March 11, 2005

Fridays Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .......

Here in Absurdia, the Governor's Office opened an Office for Elderly Affairs, I signed up, as I didn't do too well when I was young. And the affair may be catered!

Scientists at MIT have reportedly announced that they have discovered a new species of weevil that feeds solely on the cotton fibers in men's shorts. The researchers have no idea where the species originated, and are appealing to the general public, as well as the rest of the scientific community for any information that would help identify the insect. They are anxious to identify what weevil lurks in the shorts of men.

When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland..... What they don't tell you is ...... He was the only one who saw any snakes!

My friend is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him and his mother won't take him back.

The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If someone is able to predict what sort of pastries are in the bakery box, would he be considered an eclairvoyant?

Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.

Sara's Section ................................

March is National Keep Your Shoe Laces Tied Month!

March is also National Foot Health Month (Which foot - right or left?)

March 13 is National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day

March 13 is Jewel Day (Ain't you a jewel?)

March 14 is National Potato Chip Day

March 15 is Brutus Day (et tu?)

March 15 is also Buzzard's Day

March 15 is also Everything You Think Is Wrong Day

March 15 is also True Confessions Day

March 16 is Lips Appreciation Day (Run out and buy some ChapStick!)

March 16 is Everything You Do Is Right Day

March 17 is St Patrick's Day (Think Green!)

March 17 is also Act Happy Day

March 17 is also Freedom of Information Day (Subscribe now for only $12.95 per month!)

March 17 is also New Moms Awareness Day (I guess we just forget the old Moms?)

March 17 is also Submarine Day (Eat a submarine for lunch!)

March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day (Give up that submarine to ME)

March 18 is also Awkward Moments Day (Oops!)

March 19 is National Biodiesel Day (Hmmm...)

March 19 is also Poultry Day (Eat a Chicken?)

Actual Headlines ...........

AN AUTOMATIC FAIL: "Student Runs Over Driver's Ed Teacher" -- AP headline

THAT'S NOTHING -- TRY THE 'STRAIN' OF BEING A PASSENGER: "Demands of the Job Strain Airport Screeners, Air Security" -- USA Today headline

Cause of AIDS Found - Scientists

Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit

From your humble correspondent, firmly ensconced in Absurdia, the capital of Aburdistan where we tax anything and anybody whether we need the money or not....................

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