March 25, 2005

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.......

There were more citizens shot and killed in the extremely liberal City of Philadelphia PA last month than US soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan together!

Iraq's new democratic national assembly convened for the first time today. Following American tradition, the representatives immediately voted themselves a pay raise

A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

Sure you can't take it with you, but you can stash it where no one else can find it.

What do people in China call their good plates?

Starting immediately, your 15-minute breaks are being cut from a half-hour to 20 minutes

The nice thing about being an adult is getting to look a kid square in the eye and say ... "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

Sara's Section ................

March 28 is Something On A Stick Day

March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day

March 30 is I Am In Control Day (oh yeah!)

March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day

March 31 is also National Clams On The Half Shell Day

April 1 is One Cent Day

April 1 is National Fun At Work Day:

April 1 is Sorry Charlie Day:

April 2 is National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

Actual Headlines...........

OH GREAT, NOW YOU TELL ME: "A Job Interview Is Not a Date" -- New York Newsday headline (Nor should you take a beer to an interview!)

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One

Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy


Next Friday, there will be no Friday musings! As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead email and inactive ftp, www sites and gophers, allows for a better working and faster Internet.

This year, the cleaning process will take place from 12:01 a.m.. GMT on April 1st until 12:01 a.m, GMT on April 2nd During that 24-hour period, five powerful Internet search engines situated around the world will search the Internet and delete any data that they find.

In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do the following:

1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet connections.

2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet.

3. Disconnect all disks and hard drives from any connections to the Internet.

4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any way.

We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users, and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam.

We thank you for your cooperation.

Please notify your friends relatives and business associates on this event so they too will be prepared.

Well, you have been adequately warned!

I was considering having a "whiner of the week" contest but I realized that most of you would nominate me! Your humble correspondent, Al Welch, embedded with The Great Unwashed in Absurdia, capital of Absurdistan. Formerly a resident of the Boy Mayor's - City of Bulletmore

Return to the Friday Musings Home Page

Return to the A-1 Associates Main Page