April 01, 2005

Fridays Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.....

There is a coal-lack cloud on our horizon. It is called "bioethics." Their mantra is that without "personhood" life should be discontinued. Some of the best minds of the 1700's, our country's founders, decided that races other than "white" were only 3/5 of a person. Now our halfwit, over educated, ultra-liberal friends are going to decide who is a person...............

Thoughts for a Friday.........

You cannot put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or utensils in the garbage disposal. There are just so many rules in the kitchen that it's just safer to eat out

I stopped taking tranquilizers...I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to.

Virtue is often the result of insufficient temptation.

No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

Sara's Section ........................

April is National Anxiety Month [Especially around the 15th]

April is also the International Twit Award Month

April 3 is Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day

April 3 is also Tweed Day

April 3 is Armenian Appreciation Day

April 3 is Mule Day:

April 4 is Tell-A-Lie Day [or is it the 15th?]

April 5 is Check Your Batteries Day

April 6 is National Repot Your Plant Day

April 6 is New York State Missing Persons Day [Jimmy Hoffa - where are you?]

April 6 is Tartan Day:

April 7 is No Housework Day

April 7 is National Workplace Napping Day:

April 8 is International Feng Shui Awareness Day [I think I put the book in the wrong place!]

April 9 is Name Yourself Day [or I'll do it for you]

April 9 is Stories Day

Actual Headlines..............

Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire

Antique Stripper to Demonstrate Wares at Store

Sudden Rush to Help People Out of Work

Improve your conversation with actual facts.............

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

It's Groaner Time .......................

So it was only day one of the camping trip, and there went my toothpaste, slipping out of my pocket and tumbling over the edge of a cliff. I was crestfallen.

Outside of the killings, Absurdia, the capital of Absurdistan, has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. It's so good to be an embedded Absurdistander!

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