April 08, 2005

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .........

Yesterday President Bush encouraged all Americans to begin Daylight Savings Time. He said according to his calculations, daylight will run out in the year 2042 so we need to start saving it now.

The Universal Service Fund fee is going up as much as 18%. That's the tax on your phone bill that provides for internet service for libraries. It's also known as "Porn for the Homeless!"

Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.

My mom just told me she became a septuagenarian on her last birthday. It's her life, so I guess she can do whatever she wants. I just hope she doesn't give them all her money.

The Reverend Jerry Falwell is feeling much better after being in the hospital last week. He's doing much better. Today, doctors upgraded him from critical to judgmental.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.

Sarah's Section ........................

April is National Anxiety Month [and I worry a lot about that!]

April 10 is National D.A.R.E. Day:

April 10 is also National Teach Children to Save Day

April 10 is also Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day [and who could judge that?]

April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day

April 12 is International Teens Against Zits Day

April 12 is also Walk on Your Wild Side Day [or is it work on your wild side day?]

April 12 is also Look Up At The Sky Day

April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day [I didn't make that up - somebody else did]

April 14 is International Moment of Laughter Day

April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day

April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day

April 16 is Self Day [and this is different than other days? How?]

Actual Headlines .......................

COPYCATS: "41% of Parents Skip Truancy Meeting" -- Knoxville (Tenn.) News Sentinel headline

Cemetery Allows People to be Buried by Their Pets

Deadline Passes for Striking Police

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

In closing  ................

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark ...

One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm there's always a rainbow waiting...
BUT! The woodpeckers might have to go!

From your very own embedded reporter deep in the West Patapsco Area Drainage Basin

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