March 15, 2005

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance........

My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So yesterday, I'm on the exercise bike, and..."

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

He drove his car until the day of wreckoning.

They say you can't have too much of a good thing. I wish I'd been part of that study.

The principal function of the month of March is to use up the Winter weather that wouldn't fit in February.

I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the renaissance

Sara's Section ..........................

March is Irish-American Heritage Month (You hear about Irish amnesia? You forget everything but your grudges!)

March 6 is National Frozen Food Day

March 7 is National Salesperson's Day

March 7 is also National Crown Roast Of Pork Day

March 8 is Be Nasty Day (At last - a day of my own!)

March 8 is also Genealogy Day (Hey Jean - you got your own day!)

March 8 is also Uppity Women's Day (I'm afraid to make a comment here!)

March 9 is Panic Day (Taking the SAT's today?)

March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day (Unlike every other day of the year?)

March 10 is also Mario Day If you have to ask who Mario is, you don't have any kids around you!

March 11 is Organize Your Home Office Day

March 11 is also Johnny Appleseed Day

March 12 is Worship of Tools Day If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.... on Peter, Paul & Mary!

March 12 is also Alfred Hitchcock Day (Nobody could make a movie like this guy!)

Major Mergers .......................

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

Stop Global Whining!

Please Note: No trees were destroyed in the sending of this contaminant free message. We do concede however, that a significant number of electrons may have been slightly inconvenienced.

Gud Ol Al

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