April 22, 2005

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .........

My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So yesterday, I'm on the exercise bike, and..."

Do you realize 25% of all married men kiss their wife good-bye when they leave the house? Of these same men, 90% will kiss their house good-bye when their wife leaves.

Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Sara's Section ...................

This is National TV Turn-off Week!

April 23 is Read Me Day [like a cheap novel]

April 23 is also World Laboratory Animal Day

April 23 is Copyright Day [So, if you are going to copy.........]

April 24 is No Excuse Sunday

April 24 is also National Pigs In A Blanket Day [Best tasting food around!]

April 25 is Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day

April 25 is Arbor Day

April 25 is National Hairball Awareness Day [how could you miss this?]

April 26 is National Headache Foundation Day

April 26 is also National Rebuilding Day

April 26 is also National Sense of Smell Day [at least I have some sense!]

April 26 is also Richter Scale Day [and what does a Richter weigh?]

April 26 is National Pretzel Day

April 27 is Books to Brighten Young Minds Day:

April 28 is Kiss Your Mate Day

April 30 is National Honesty Day

April 30 is Hairstylists Appreciation Day:

April 30 is International Walk Day

April 30 is National Honesty Day (Honest Abe Awards) [I never won one of those thingies!)

Actual Headlines....

CAUTION! READ WARNING LABEL! "Candles Recalled Because of Flame Risk" -- AP headline

IT'S ONE WAY, ANYWAY: "Conceiving a Way to Get More Babies" -- Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald headline

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Hey, did you hear about the ...............................

Paper company that folded?

Brake company on the skids?

Bra manufacturers that went bust?

Surgeon who was forced to take a cut in his salary?

Cigarette company that went up in smoke?

A weekly morsel from your embedded reporter, currently with the April 15th battalion, living in tents, in Absurdia, the capitol of Absurdistan.

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