May 13, 2005

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...........

According to a brand new scientific study that just came out; more than 90% of diet plans used by Americans do not work. The American scientists conducted the study by looking out the window............

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it--they're the ones falling down the most!"

Melvin's meanderings........

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Not only do I let a smile be my umbrella, I also have this little eyelid spasm that works great as galoshes.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

What us the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late

Sara's Section ......................

This is Mayday for Mutts Month

This is National Hug An Elder Week [hint, hint]

May 16 is Biographer's Day

May 16 is also National Bike to Work Day [or work to bike day]

May 16 is also National Defense Transportation Day [I thought they were already in Washington?]

May 17 is Armed Forces Day [A prayer would be in order here]

May 18 is Neighbor Day [be nice to your neighbor-it might be me!]

May 18 is also Visit Your Relatives Day [the prisons are having an open house]

May 18 is also Youth Against Violence Day [next week is Youth FOR Violence Day]

May 19 is May Ray Day

May 21 is I Need A Patch For That Day [Oh Yeah]

May 21 is also National Waitstaff Day {be a tipper - look where it got Tipper Gore!]

May 21 is also Turn Beauty Inside Out Day [kind of hard on the person, isn't it?]

Actual Headlines............

OH, NOW THERE'S A SHOCK: "Hotties Make More Money, Study Says" -- AP headline

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Expert Says School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

A last look at Absurdistan ..............

Here in Absurdia, we have had a one party government for the last 40 years - the party of the "working class" You know who they are....

This month they passed a law demanding that Wal-Mart (an American Company) either pay 8% of their profit to employee health system or forfeit the difference to the state - because the Senators and Representatives were bought and paid for by Giant Foods (a German company). The "Wal-Mart Bill" caused Wal-Mart to stop construction on a huge distribution center here - one that would have hired almost 1000 employees. As soon as the bill passed both houses, Giant Foods announced an immediate lay-off of 1500 employees. A net loss of 2500 jobs. And you wonder why I call this state Absurdistan. We need a flag and a anthem!

That's all from the Peoples Republic of Absurdistan for this week.

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