June 10, 2005

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...............................

I was recently engaged to two women at the same time: one named Edith, in California, and the other named Kate, in Texas. Unfortunately the two girls met, discovered the truth, and confronted me with the following admonition: "You can't have your Kate and Edith, too."

My grandson is 4 years old, and these weeks and months when he's still innocent are so precious, because he doesn't know yet that the crackling cellophane sound means I'm opening a new box of cookies.


Miki's meanderings.............................

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

I was looking at the obituaries when I realized that people die in alphabetical order.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.


Sara's Section..........................................

June is National Accordion Awareness Month,

June 12 is Machine Day

June 13 is National Juggling Day

June 13 is also Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

June 14 is Pop Goes The Weasel Day [Or is it "Pop is a weasel day?]

June 15 is Smile Power Day

June 16 is National Hollerin' Contest Day

June 17 is Eat Your Vegetables Day [and quit whining!]

June 18 is International Panic Day [oh my, is it that time again, already]


Actual Headlines.........................

UNFORTUNATELY THE SAME CANNOT BE SAID OF ITS INHABITANTS: "Earth Has Become Brighter, but No One Is Sure Why" -- New York Times headline

WHY? "Chicken Ticketed for Crossing the Road" -- AP headline

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarians Take Over

Eye Drops Off Shelf


Ever Wonder....................

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


That's all the news that's fit to print from Absurdia, the capital of The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan from your very unfit embedded reporter - Al


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