July 08, 2005

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.....................

Don't throw a brick straight up.

Don't take naps in the road.

When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it's sufficiently hot.

Walking barefoot in the sand is good. Walking barefoot on a cactus is bad.

If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.

No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.

When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.


Miki's Meanderings.....................................................

Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

Men want to be really, really close to a woman who will leave them alone.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

People who rest on their laurels are wearing them on the wrong end.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood


Sara's Section....................................................

July is National Baked Bean Month

July is also National Bison Month

July 11 is . . . . National Cheer Up The Lonely Day [poor me!]

July 12 is . . . . National Pecan Pie Day

July 13 is . . . . Blame Someone Else Day [isn't this EVERY day]

July 13 is . . . . National Juggling Day

July 13 is also . Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

July 13 is also . Embrace Your Geekness Day

July 13 is also . Gruntled Workers Day [be gruntled!]

July 13 is also . International Skeptics Day [I don't believe this for a minute]

July 13 is also . Fool's Paradise Day

July 14 is . . . . National Nude Day [hmmmmm.....]

July 15 is . . . . National Tapioca Pudding Day

July 15 is also . Respect Canada Day

July 16 is . . . . International Juggling Day [bank accounts too?]

July 17 is . . . . National Peach Ice Cream Day


Actual Headlines...........................

OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD: "Human Cannonball Fired over His Fear of Flying" -- London Times headline

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One


A patriot without religion is as great a paradox as an honest man without the fear of God. Trust neither!


Absurdistan's Fifth Column, led by Barbara Boxer, Turban Dick Durbin, Nancy Pelosi and "I'll Drive" Teddy Kennedy have already begun to apologize for the poor diaper heads that were forced to blow up innocent Londoners this week - watch the Sunday morning talk shows to see them defend the enemy. We will be watching in Absurdia, the capital of Absurdistan.


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