December 16, 2005
Pushing back the frontiers of
The "politically correct" liberals (Cultural Marxists) (Secularists) (Same thing) want to change the name of the movie "Miracle on 34th Street" to "Coincidence on 34th Street!"
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance. She leaned over and pushed me!
Reality is whatever refuses to go away when I stop believing in it
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed
Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
December is High Neighbor Month (Better check your neighbor)
December 18 is . . . National Roast Suckling Pig Day
December 18 is . . . International Migrants Day
December 19 is . . . One Day
December 19 is . . . Underdog Day
December 20 is . . . Mudd Day
December 20 is . . . Forefathers Day
December 21 is . . . Humbug Day
December 21 is . . . Phileas Fogg Win A Wager Day
December 21 is . . . Alphabet Day
TIS THE SEASON: "Flying Deer Injures Man near Danville" read the headline. The story: Robert Brooks, 50, driving near Danville, Calif., stopped his car because he thought he had hit a deer. As he was checking his car for damage, another car drove by and hit the deer for sure -- it sent the animal airborne, and it bowled Brooks over. He was left with a broken ankle, and the offending driver didn't even bother to stop. (Pleasanton Tri-Valley Herald) ...Wait'll Santa hears about this.
MULTI-MILLION-DOLLAR STUDY FINALLY REVEALS: "During a Tornado, a Mobile Home Is Worst Place to Be; Flee Mobile Homes If You Can, Experts Say" -- Indianapolis Star headline
Songs.......................................... (a special section)
SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are...
DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Spare No Expense!
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell....
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
That's about it from your embedded reporter in Absurbia, just a gunshot from downtown Absurdia (We are only number 2 in violent crime in the nation) the capital city of Absurdistan.
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