February 17, 2006

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.......................

First the good news -Spring is here (on Sunday) Daytona 500 is the first race of the season and always a good one.

Then the bad news - In disturbing medical news, a new study of 1,000 Americans finds that obesity in the United States has gotten so bad that there actually were, upon closer scrutiny, only 600 Americans involved in the study


Mary's Mutterings.....................

Grocery store clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like

If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your ass will be soaking wet.

The doctor tells me to drink lemon juice after a hot bath, but I can never finish the bath

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished


Sara's Section.....................

February is National Caffeine Addiction Awareness Month [In case you don't have enough to worry about]

This National Nostalgia Week [I'll never forget What's his name!]

February 19 is. . . National Chocolate Mint Day

February 20 is. . . Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day [I look forward to this day every year]

February 22 is. . . Be Humble Day [ Who, me?]

February 23 is. . . International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

February 23 is. . . Curling is Cool Day

February 25 is. . . Spay Day USA [Hide the kids]


Actual Headlines.........................

STOP THE PRESSES -- NOW THIS IS NEWS! "Man Chooses Girlfriend Over Elvis" -- AP headline

From Los Angeles: " 'Intersex' fish found off California."

A headline from London: "King Tut was a red-wine guy, researcher finds."


Unofficial State Mottos............................

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother


That's it from your embedded reporter in Absurdia, located in the Patapsco Drainage Basin of The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan where we were the second most dangerous city in the US (until we found out that the boy Mayor, Martin O'Malley is cooking the crime statistics books in his attempt to be the Governor!)


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