March 17, 2006
Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.........................
Jamal Lewis, a running back (and convicted felon) received a contract from the Baltimore Ravens for 3 to 5 years. Oops, I meant 3 years. The only professional organization with more felons in a 100 mile radius is the US Congress.
Turns out that Ex-Governor Parris Glendenning is the Gray Davis of Absurdistan! We are expecting a 70% increase in our utility rate because of his incompetence and his friends in our one party legislature. The person in charge that put this plan in place in 1999 - Mayor O'Malley's brother-in-law and son of Joe Curren, the Attorney General of this fine state.
Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me."
How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb (read that again if you didn't get it)
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene'
She was only the whisky maker's daughter, but he loved her still.
According to a new poll, women are much better liars than men. At least that's what THEY say... but they could be lying.
March is National March to College Day Month
This is National Spring Fever Week (and it's snowing this morning)
March 19 is . . Poultry Day [take a chicken to lunch]
March 20 is . . Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
March 20 is . . National Common Courtesy Day [just stay out of my way]
March 21 is . . Memory Day [I almost forgot this one - again]
March 22 is . . As Young As You Feel Day
March 22 is . . National Goof-off Day [at last]
March 22 is . . International Day of the Seal [Take a seal to lunch]
March 23 is . . Near Miss Day [came close to missing this one]
March 23 is . . National Organize Your Home Office Day [yeah, that's going to happen]
March 23 is . . National Chip and Dip Day
March 24 is . . National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
March 25 is . . American Diabetes Association Alert Day [Just because of yesterday or because of tomorrow?]
March 25 is . . Pecan Day and Waffle Day
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
Fashion is Spinach; 1938 [And meat is?]
A letter to the Man Who Killed My Dog; 1956 [I'll take a stab: Dear Jerk face, You suck!]
Freedom Must Not Stink; 1947 [Followed by the best-seller, "Communism Takes a Bath".]
Girls of the Pansy Patrol; 1931 [No, it's not an adult novella. Quite the opposite. Ms. May Wynne (the author) wrote over 200 books for young girls.]
The Social History of the Machine Gun; 1975 [Not just the history, but the SOCIAL history. As in, "My, that's a nice Thompson you have there."]
That's it from your embedded muckraker here in the heart of Absurdia, the capital city of the People's Republic of Absurdistan. Keep those cards and letters coming!
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