April 14, 2006
Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.................
In the United States Senate, one of the things I observed in the early days - and it's still used - and that is that you take someone's argument and then you misrepresent it and misstate and disagree with it. And it's very effective. I've done it myself a number of times. But eventually, eventually people catch on." -Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, speaking at the National Press Club in Washington
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
I went to the 60th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last. Which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
April is International Twit Award Month
This is National Karaoke Week [Ain't you happy to know that!]
April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day
April 16 is Self Day
April 17 is National Cheeseball Day [You cheeseball you!]
April 17 is Blah, Blah, Blah Day [So blah, blah, blah away]
April 18 is Eggs, Eggs, Eggs Days
April 18 is Pet Owners Independence Day
April 19 is Garlic Day [I could smell this one coming!]
April 19 is Beyond Rejection Slip Day
April 19 is Husband Appreciation Day [and it's about time, too!]
April 19 is Kindergarten Day
It's Tax Time Again - in case you
Accounts Receivable Tax, Building Permit Tax ,Capital Gains Tax, CDL license Tax Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income, Tax Court Fines, Dog License Tax, Federal Income Tax, Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA), Fishing License, Tax Food License, Tax Fuel permit, tax Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon) Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax, Interest expense (tax on the money), Inventory tax, IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax, Local Income Tax, Luxury Taxes, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax Property, Tax Real Estate, Tax Septic Permit, Tax Service Charge Taxes, Social Security Tax, Road Usage Taxes, (Truckers) Sales Taxes, Recreational Vehicle Tax, Road Toll Booth Taxes, School Tax State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax, (SUTA) Telephone federal excise tax, Telephone federal universal service fee Tax, Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes, Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, Telephone recurring and nonrecurring charges tax, Telephone state and local tax, Telephone usage charge tax, Toll Bridge Taxes, Toll Tunnel Taxes, Traffic Fines (indirect taxation) Trailer registration tax, Utility Taxes, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft registration Tax, Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax
None of these existed 100 years ago!
Signs seen around the
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
A Do-It-Yourself Submachine Gun; 1995 [This is for those unfortunate machine gun owners who don't have a social life and sit at home polishing their barrels.]
Fish Who Answer the Telephone; 1937 [It comes with diagrams, folks!]
The Art and Science of Dumpster Diving; 1997
How to Cook Husbands; 1899 and the Gentle Art of Cooking Wives; 1900
Recollections of Squatting in Victoria; 1833
How Nell Scored; 1929
The Bright Side of Prison Life; 1897
Well, that's enough for now from your unindicted co-conspirator hiding in an underground bunker near Absurdia, the recognized capitol of the Peoples Republic of Absurdistan whose elected senators and representatives could care less about your children.
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