May 05, 2006

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..................

(Cashews.com) - More than 80 percent of history and political science professors in American universities rank President Bush “below average” or a “failure,” according to a survey released this week, but even the head of the institute that conducted the survey admitted “there is a liberal bias to some extent” on college and university campuses. Sixty per cent of our college graduates can't find Iraq on a map and still think history started the day they were born. Think it is time to grade our history and political science professors?


Ursula's Uttering's .........................

You're only young once. After that it takes some other excuse for acting like an idiot.

Criticism wouldn't be so hard to take if it weren't so often right

I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require so much cooking

When you don't know what you are talking about, it's really hard to know when you are finished.

The evening news is where they begin with "good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


Sara's Section ................................

May is Get Caught Reading Month

This is National Postcard Week [have you sent one lately?]

May 8 is . . Have A Coke Day

May 8 is . . No Socks Day

May 8 is . . National Day of Thought [thinking of wearing no socks?]

May 9 is . . Lost Sock Memorial Day [and it is time we set aside a day for this]

May 10 is . . Trust Your Intuition Day

May 11 is . . Eat What You Want Day

May 12 is . . Limerick Day [there once was a man from.....]

May 14 is . . National Dance Like A Chicken Day [sorry, I dance like that ALL the time]

May 14 is . . National Night Shift Workers Day

May 14 is . . National Receptionists Day

May 14 is . . Underground America Day    [celebrate our coal miners!]


Actual Headlines...............................

MR. PEANUT, WE HARDLY KNEW YE: "Member of Notorious Nut Cases Gang Found Guilty" -- San Francisco Chronicle headline

A curious ad, placed in THE DAYTONA BEACH NEWS-JOURNAL: "LOST: Orange jacket, lavender shoes, & gray briefcase. Please don't ask! Reward!"

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]


More "Rules of Life". ............................

The best advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

If someone says that you're too good for him or her, believe it.

Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month?"

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!


Ramblings of a retired mind ......................................

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!


Well, that's about it from your embedded reporter, deep in a fortified bunker, in a non-descript building in the suburbs of Absurdia, the capital of The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan.


On the other hand................

Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.


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