June 02, 2006

Pushing back the Frontiers of ignorance.......................

The grand fathers of Kennedy, Kerry and Boxer happened to be vacationing at Kittyhawk (paid for by the taxpayers) when Wilber & Orville Wright flew the first time.

Kennedy said " I drove here and no one drowned in my car but the President lied when he said that no man can fly without government regulations. Kerry said at first I said I wouldn't ride in that contraption but only after I said I wouldn't but what I meant was I might if the conditions......... Boxer said that Wilber and Orville lied when they said they would take off at 9:00am and didn't fly until 9:14am. Also no women or children were involved in the project but since Wilber & Orville were not married and therefore might be gay, she was giving them a pass


Mary's Moronic Mutterings.................................

It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.

They say it is better to give than to receive. I say it depends on the gift.

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

My doctor gave me a choice: "Either lose fifty-five pounds or grow six inches taller."

Screw-ups are just nature's way of saying, "I'm bored"


Sara's Special Section...................................

June is National Accordion Awareness Month

June 1 is . . . . . Dare Day

June 2 is . . . . . National Rocky Road Day

June 3 is . . . . . Repeat Day

June 4 is . . . . . Old Maid's Day

June 5 is . . . . . Festival Of Popular Delusions Day

June 6 is . . . . . Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day [This could not be a coincidence, Sarah]

June 7 is . . . . . National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

June 8 is . . . . . Name Your Poison Day

June 9 is . . . . . Donald Duck Day

June 10 is . . . . National Yo-Yo Day


Why???????????????????

On the bags of miniature candy bars it says, 'Fun Size.' Does this mean that the regular size bars are no fun?

Why aren't they called bakies instead of cookies?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?


Actual Headlines...........................

FIRST PROOF OF ILL HEALTH REVEALED: "Castro Healthy Enough to Live till 140 Years Old: Doctor" -- AFP headline

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Laws of Life.........................................

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


That's all for this week from your embedded reporter, hiding out in the suburbs of Absurdia, the capitol city of the Peoples Republic of Absurdistan - trying to stay cool in spite of the dreaded "global warning scam."


On the other hand - God does not call the qualified; God qualifies the called.


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