September 08, 2006

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance....................................

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went down town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break"?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came down town on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary '08.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.


Mary's Marvelous Mutterings..........................

I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you

There are two kinds of widows, bereaved and relieved!

The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.


Sarah's Serendipitous Statements...........................

September is Go Wild During California Wild Rice Month

This is Biscuits and Gravy Week

September 10 is...Wonderful Weirdoes Day [At last - a day recognizing my talents!]

September 10 is...Sew Be It! Day

September 11 is... No News Is Good News Day

September 12 is...National Chocolate Milkshake Day

September 12 is...Video Games Day

September 13 is...Doodle Soup Days {And we all love doodle soup]

September 13 is...Defy Superstition Day [Knock on wood first]

September 13 is...Fortune Cookie Day

September 14 is...National Cream-filled Donut Day [Oh Yeah!]

September 15 is...Felt Hat Day

September 16 is...Stay Away From Seattle Day

September 16 is...Collect Rocks Day [But why?]


Life's Unanswered Questions ....................................

If someone leads but no one follows... are they just out for a walk?

Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?

"So tell me, are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?"

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?


Thoughts For The Contemporary Citizen..................

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.


Well, that's about it from your embedded reporter, hiding in a deep, underground bunker in a non-descript cement block building in a warehouse district in outer Absurdia, the Capital City of The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan, hiding from the American Taliban - the Secularists' who have taken over the Democratic Party


And On The Other Hand..................

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!


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