November 10, 2006

Friday's Musings

Pushing Back the Frontiers of Ignorance................

The difference between Republicans and Democrats is if a conservative (R) see's his child's shoes untied, he teaches him to tie his shoes. If a liberal (D) sees the same, he ties his shoes for him. Last Tuesday, the majority voted to let someone else tie their shoes for them.


Suzie's Sumptuous Selections....................

I have kleptomania, but I'm taking something for it.

If not actually disgruntled, I am far from being grounded

If I want anything done well, I do it myself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes

You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."


Sarah's Timely Tidbits................................

This is National Vegan Month [Have a steak to celebrate]

This is Pursuit of Happiness Week [Turn that frown upside down]

November 12 is . . . . . National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day

November 13 is . . . . . National Indian Pudding Day

November 13 is . . . . . World Kindness Day

November 14 is . . . . . Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

November 15 is . . . . . National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

November 15 is . . . . . Remembrance Day [Don't forget this one]

November 16 is . . . . . Button Day [When's zipper day?]

November 16 is . . . . . Eighteenth Century Threshing Day

November 17 is . . . . . Take A Hike Day

November 17 is . . . . . Coping With Uncertainty Day

November 18 is . . . . . Married To Stupid Support Day


Actual Headlines...................................

ONLY IN MOTOWN: "Living in a Car Now Touted as a Plus" -- Detroit News headline

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [Oh!, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!]


Actual Book Titles.......................

Teach Yourself Sex; 1951

Teach Yourself Alcoholism; 1975

How To Become a Schizophrenic; 1992

How To Avoid Huge Ships; 1993

How To Abandon Ship; 1942


Enough already from your embedded reporter here in the suburb of Absurd, on the edge of Absurdia, the capital city of the Peoples Republic of Absurdistan. We are now going to bring to the state the same values we brought to our city - the most dangerous place in Absurdistan with an ever decreasing high school graduation rate (from 12%)


And on the other hand.........................

We create the world in which we live; if that world becomes unfit for human life, it is because we tire of our responsibility and ask the government to do it for us.


Return to the Friday's Musings Home Page

Return to the A-1 Associates Main Page