December 01, 2006

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..................

And for you anti-gun nuts....... A Mississippi mayor has pleaded guilty to misdemeanor weapons charges after carrying a handgun on church and school property, and a gun rights group thinks now would be a good time for him to step down from Mayors Against Illegal Guns (MAIG). Jackson Mayor Frank Melton, a Democrat, pleaded guilty. Sounds just like Diane Feinstein, a Democrat who carries a "tiny little pistol" in her handbag. These fine folks are truly typical "do as I say, not as I do" liberals.

On the other hand, they have enabled Americans to abort 1,300,000 babies during 2005. Bet we can beat that this year......


Miscreant Mary's Marvelous Mutterings......................

To judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are: (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

I am pretty sure that sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita

Everyone Believes In Heredity Until Their Kids Act Like Fools.


Stupendous Sarah's Statements.................

December is... Bingo's Birthday Month!

This is Cookie Cutter Week [Get busy!]

December 1 is . . . Day With(out) Art Day

December 1 is . . . National Fritters Day [How could you have missed that!]

December 3 is . . . National Roof over Your Head Day

December 4 is . . . Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 4 is . . . Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day [At somebody else's work place]

December 5 is . . . Bathtub Party Day

December 5 is . . . National Communicate With Your Kids Day [Good luck!]

December 5 is . . . National Sacher Torte Day

December 6 is . . . National Gazpacho Day

December 6 is . . . Mitten Tree Day [I wondered where my glove went!]

December 7 is . . . National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day [Liberals think that was probably our fault too!]

December 8 is . . . Most Boring Celebrities Of The Year Day [Make a list]

December 10 is . . . Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales [Save the whales - collect a whole set!]


Actual Headlines............................

USE HEAVY MACHINERY, GO TO JAIL -- IT'S THE LAW: "Man Held on Charges after Using Backhoe" -- Portland (Maine) Press Herald headline

Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


More famous last words..............................

Let it down slowly.

Rat poison only kills rats.

OK, I'll go ahead and make your day.

It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.

I'll get your toast out.


Bonus Thoughts For Today......................................

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

For every action, there is an equal & opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.


Well, that's our offering for this week from your embedded reporter, skulking on the outskirts of Absurdia, the regional capital city of The Democratic Peoples Republic of Absurdistan waiting for the oncoming deluge of tax increases.....


And on the other hand........................

No animals were harmed in the making of this email... but a few MAY have been tickled.


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