December 15, 2006

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance......................

For you lovers of junk science - According to the just released information from the United Nations, Al Gore is all wrong - again! SUV's and other man made things are not the cause of global warming! It is cow flatulence! But, hold the phone - that proven crook - Kofi Annan and his band of merry extortionists are wrong too!

Any climate change is caused by sun and earth cycles and this occurs about every 13,000 years.    Recent material published is also casting doubt about Darwin's Theory.    Won't that discussion be fun!!!


Miss Mary's Musings........................

Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.

No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose

Skipping school to bungee jump will get you suspended.


Super Sarah's Selections.................................

December is National Stress-free Family Holidays Month   [Oh yes, that's going to happen]

This is Operation Santa Paws Week

December 17 is . . . Underdog Day

December 17 is . . . National Maple Syrup Day

December 18 is . . . National Roast Suckling Pig Day

December 19 is . . . One Day

December 19 is . . . Underdog Day

December 19 is . . . Oatmeal Muffin Day

December 20 is . . . Games Day

December 20 is . . . Forefathers Day

December 21 is . . . Look At The Bright Side Day

December 21 is . . . National Flashlight Day [in case the one above doesn't work]

December 21 is . . . National Fried Shrimp Day

December 21 is . . . Hamburger Day

December 21 is . . . Humbug Day

December 21 is . . . Alphabet Day [how about some alphabet soup?]

December 22 is . . . National Date-Nut Bread Day

December 23 is . . . Roots Day


Actual Headlines.............................

MOOOOOOOVE! "Cow versus Car; Cow Wins" -- Poughkeepsie (N.Y.) Journal headline

AS A BOY, THE DOG ATE HIS HOMEWORK: "Burglar Steals Preacher's Sermon" -- Macon (Ga.) Telegraph headline


Famous Last Words..............................

Nice doggie.

I can do that with my eyes closed.

I've done this before.

Well we've made it this far.

That's odd.


Thoughts of an unraveling mind......................

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


That's about it from your embedded reporter, hiding away from the "authorities" in a remote suburb of Absurdia (the home of least educated students in the country) and the capital of The Democratic Peoples Republic of Absurdistan


DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or "typos" you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can't spell a word more than one way.


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