March 02, 2007

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ........................

That great scientist - Al Gore - (and Secular Saint according to "Perky Katy Couric") who, from his vast personal years of research, claims that global warming is caused by Americans paid almost $30,000.00 last year to heat and light his "home" in 2006. In other words, he pays more each month than two average home owners pay each YEAR!

Of more immediate worry to scientists of his ilk is that if he keeps gaining weight, he will cause the earth to begin to wobble and then fly out of orbit.


Merry Mary's Marvelous Mutterings ...........................

I have decided to give up my diet for Lent

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

And, I don't care how optimistic you are, a diaper is NEVER half full.


Sappy Sarah's Salacious Sayings ......................

March is Keep Your Shoelaces Tied Month

This is National Pancake Week

it is also National Procrastination Week [so, maybe you should put off those pancakes for a while]

March 4 is . . Hug a GI Day

March 4 is . . International Pancake Day

March 4 is . . Unique Names Day

March 5 is . . Hemlock Day

March 5 is . . Learn What Your Name Means Day [are you sure you want to know?]

March 5 is . . Multiple Personalities Day

March 6 is . . National Frozen Food Day

March 7 is . . National Crown Roast Of Pork Day

March 8 is . . Be Nasty Day

March 8 is . . Genealogy Day

March 8 is . . Uppity Women's Day

March 9 is . . Panic Day

March 10 is . . Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day

March 10 is . . Mario Day [Is that Andretti or the cartoon character?]


Actual Headlines ....................................

NASA, Virgin to Collaborate on Space Flights" ---The Jerusalem Post

Stay off the Tracks, Poor Walkers: "Streetcars Hurt Poor, Walkers " ---Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

An Optimist Would Say It's More Than Half Full: "World Trade Center Nearly Half Empty" ---The Baltimore Examiner


Did you ever notice ..............................

He who hesitates is probably right.

The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.


Actual Want Ads ...................................

FREE Yorkshire Terrier: 8 yrs. old. Hateful little bitch. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel - 1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog.

FREE PUPPIES: Part German Shepherd - Part Stupid Dog.


That's about it for this week from your embedded reporter, hiding from the Cultural Marxists in Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan.


But, on the other hand ........................

A problem not worth praying about isn't worth worrying about.


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