March 9,2007

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ...............................

The "esteemed" leader Nancy Pelosi has named "Dollar Bill" Jefferson aka William Jefferson, Democrat, Louisiana now under investigation for corruption (also for having thousands of dollars in his freezer) and was caught on tape taking a bribe, to the Homeland Security Committee.   Just the person we need to handle our nations' security secrets!
Nancy Pelosi also named "Arab" John Murtha to the Armed Services Committee.  You may remember "Arab John" as being an unindicted co-conspirator in the Abscam scandal.  On the other hand, (and on the other side of the aisle) you may also recall "Crazy" John McCain was the other unindicted co-conspirator in the Abscam scandal.

Marvelous Mary's Meanderings ..............................
Call me a cynic, but it seems whenever someone is given the title "The World's Oldest Living Person," it's just a matter of time.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.  
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.  
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. 
Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Stupendous Sarah's Solecisms .............
March is National Lawnmower Tune-Up Month
This is National Toad Hollow Week
March 11 is . . Dream Day    [It's official, you can day dream today]

March 11 is . . Organize Your Home Office Day

March 11 is . . Johnny Appleseed Day
March 13 is. . Armstrong County (PA) anniversary

March 13 is . . National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day
March 14 is . . National Potato Chip Day
March 15 is . . Buzzard's Day

March 15 is . . Everything You Think Is Wrong Day    [still time to change your registration]

March 15 is . . True Confessions Day

March 15 is . . Buzzard's Day

March 16 is . . Lips Appreciation Day

March 16 is . . Everything You Do Is Right Day   [Now, that's my kind of day]

March 17 is . . St Patrick's Day

March 17 is . . Act Happy Day    [If you are not Irish]

March 17 is . . Submarine Day    [Go and watch a submarine race]

March 18 is . . Supreme Sacrifice Day  

March 18 is . . Awkward Moments Day

Live from New York - it's Jeni .......................
Fellow says to wife "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug!" So the wife unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer!

Actual Headlines ......................................
That Was Fast: "Democrats May Cut Bush Military Budget"---Associated Press, March 1, 2:32 pm EST  ++ "'Democrats Nix Idea of Military Budget Cuts"---Associated Press, March 1, 3:07 pm EST
Maybe Al Gore Should Try This: "Snails Save Energy by Re-Using Mucus Trails"
Thanks for the Advice, Sweetie: "Honey, Root May Help Staph Infection"---Arizona Republic
That Sounds Painful!: "Inspector General Says School That Uses Shock Therapy Overcharged"---Associated Press

Signs That Your Life Is About To Change ......................
While watching the news, you spot your spouse marching in a Gay Pride parade.
The bank notifies you that your paycheck has bounced.
On a densely foggy morning, while driving in the center lane of a highway, you suddenly run out of gas.
You arrive at your wedding to find, two ushers, four bridesmaids, and six pallbearers.
Things I have learned ...........................
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is stalk him and hope he panics and gives in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jerks.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -they are more screwed up than you think.

That is it from your embedded reporter, hiding out along the fringes of Absurdia, the capital city of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.

But, on the other hand ................
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary
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