March 30, 2007

Friday's Musings

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ............................................

 
Our government has proven that it is incapable of serving the health needs of our military veterans on any level.  And yet, the Liberals want this same government to provide healthcare for EVERYONE!
 
First hundred hours' A Triumph for Pelosi.' That's how the Associated Press described [Friday's] vote by the House to demand a U.S. retreat from Iraq.  Speaker Nancy Pelosi has demonstrated she can pile on enough pork to bribe enough Democrats to cobble together a bare, partisan majority to "send a message" that has no chance of becoming law.

Marvelous Mary's Melodious Mutterings ...................
 
I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be .
 
At my last birthday, the candles cost more than the cake.
 
I had a face lift but when the doctor saw what was underneath, he left me the way it was.
 
There was a lot of negative energy in my house. I tried incantations and feng shui, but nothing worked until I paid my electric bill
 
I just can't win. When I asserted my right to act as my own attorney, the judge charged me with practicing law without a license.

Stupendous Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings .....................................
 
April is Fresh Florida Tomatoes Month
 
This will be Laugh at Work Week
 
April 1 ... is National Fun At Work Day

April 1 ... is Sorry Charlie Day     [What can I add to that!]

April 2 ... is Armenian Appreciation Day    [Take an Armenian to lunch!]

April 3 ... is Tweed Day
 
April 3 ... is Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day

April 4 ... is Mule Days

April 4 ... is Tater Tot Day in Benton KY    [Now, there is a town that knows how to celebrate!]

April 5 ... is Check Your Batteries Day

April 6 ... is National Repot Your Plant Day

April 6 ... is Tartan Day

April 7 ... is National Workplace Napping Day    [These last 2 just seem to go together!]

April 7 is No Housework Day  

Live from New York, it's Jeni ...........................
 
If I were to bake a pineapple upside-down cake and send it to my sister in Australia, it would arrive, naturally, as a pineapple rightside-up cake; however, my sister, being upside down herself, would perceive it as a pineapple upside-down cake, as intended. And there you have it: Einstein's Theory of Relativity in a nutshell.

Actual Headlines ...................................
 
We Blame Global Warming: "'Chilly Climate' Greets Muslim University Students: Report" ---CBC.ca
 
Black Ones Are Cooler Looking, Though: "'Green' Autos Are Sleek, Fun to Drive" ---Express-News (San Antonio, TX)
 
It's New Jersey, After All: "Crook Is Newest Judge in Burlington County" ---Courier-Post (Cherry Hill, NJ)
 
What Would We Do Without... Oh, Look! A Squirrel!: "Studies Focus on Wandering Thoughts" ---CBC.ca
I have learned that ..................................

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
 
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
 
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
 
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Did you ever notice ...........................
 
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's  really  in trouble.
 
When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it  spells   "Theirs."    
 
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

I love puns ............................
 
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
 
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
That's it from your embedded reporter, hiding in the suburbs of Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.

But, on the other hand ...............................
 
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow
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