April 6, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ..............................

 
Bet you didn't hear this on your TV news (or newspaper)  Senator Diane Feinstein,  D. CA has resigned from her post as chairwoman of the Military Construction Appropriations Committee after it was pointed out that she had steered many large, lucrative contracts to her husband, a major profiteer of the war in Iraq.   Will she also be asked to resign from the Senate Committee on Rules and Administration that is responsible for issues that include "ethics reform "of the Senate........?
 
And still, some say the media does not have an agenda .......

Marvelous Mary's Melodic Mutterings ....................................
 
The American Indians found out what happens when you don't control immigration
 
One thing about the speed of light--it gets here too early in the morning.
 
I spent so much money last year on milk, I had to file bankruptcy.  It turns out I'm lactose insolvent.
 
When I let people borrow my tools, I usually have to give them specific instructions on how to use them.  Well, except for one, that is, assuming they know the drill.
 
A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own

Serendipitous Sarah's Sayings ......................
 
April is International Twit Award Month
 
This is National Blue Ribbon Week
 
April 8 is All Is Ours Day
 
April 8 is International Feng Shui Awareness Day     [Oh yeah!]
 
 April 9 is Stories Day    [Make one up!]
 
 April 9 is Yourself Day    [Hmm...]
 
 April 10 is National Sibling Day    [Take your sibling golfing]
 
 April 10 is Golfers Day
 
 April 10 is Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day   
 
 April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day
 
 April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day
 
 April 12 is Walk on Your Wild Side Day
 
 April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day    [I didn't name this day, someone else did!]
 
 April 14 is National Pecan Day
 
 April 14 is International Moment of Laughter Day
A special SUMMER OLYMPIC UPDATE ....................
 
Presidente Vincente Fox has announced that Mexico will not participate in the next Summer Olympics.   Anyone who can run, jump or swim has already left their country.

Live from New Yauck, it's Jeni ...................................
 
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.   85% of women think their butt is too big.   10% of women think their butt is too little.  The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway. 
 
Americans spend an extra $2.2 billion on gas a year because they're overweight, requiring more fuel in cars to carry the extra pounds. So even with all those ['carbon offsets'], Gore may have a small carbon footprint, but he has a huge carbon butt-print
Actual Headlines ...................................
 
BETTER NOT MOVE! "German Police Rescue 91-year-old Man Glued to Roof" --  Reuters headline
 
Then THEM Not Be Coming Neither: "SC Tourism Director: US Not Be Welcoming Foreign Visitors" ---WBT-AM website (Charlotte, NC)
 
"Pampers Are Not an Invention of the Devil" ---Times (London) 
 
"Giant Lighted Map of Iowa Found, and It Can Be Saved" ---Des Moines (IA) Register
 
Because Some of Us Are Ugly!: "Study Explains Why We're Not All Beautiful" ---LiveScience.com
Puns from the Punster ..............................
 
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
 
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 
A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."   Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.   Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.   Her husband responds, "They're identical twins!    If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Did you ever notice ........................
 
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
 
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
 
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
That's almost it from your embedded reporter lurking on the edge of the city of Absurdia, in the County of Wierdopia, in The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.
But, on the other hand ....................
 
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.
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