Pushing back the frontiers of
A note to the "surrender monkeys"
and "Defeatocrats " Citing polls as proof you're on the right
side of an argument is often a
symptom of intellectual
BTW, Hillary Clinton has dropped "Rodham"
from her name on her campaign literature - a sure sign that one of her brothers
is about to be indicted - again.
Marvelous Mary's Meanderings
"Calling an illegal alien an
"undocumented immigrant" Is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed
Visa is everywhere you want to be, except
out of debt.
When she told me I was average, I figured
she was just being mean.
My wife and I divorced over religious
differences - She thought she was God and I didn't.
Don't worry if your job is small, and
your rewards are few. Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like
Our guide to "Political
Recently deceased Hawaiian
entertainer, Don Ho, had 10 children, 19 grandchildren, 15
great-grandchildren and two great-great grandchildren. All those babies in
diapers. That's like dozens of nappy-bottomed Hos.
Startling Sarah's Sayings
May is... National Egg
Month [So be a good egg]
This is National Peace of Mind
Week [And I'm going to give you a piece of mine]
May 6 is . . Joseph Brackett
Day [two months after March madness?]
May 6 is . . No Diet
May 6 is . . No Homework Day
May 7 is . . International Tuba
Day [What do you have to add, Frenchie?]
May 7 is . . National Roast Leg of
May 8 is . . NASCAR
Day [A day of INTERNATIONAL importance]
May 8 is . . Have A Coke
May 8 is . . No Socks
May 8 is . . National Day of
Thought [In what country?]
May 9 is . . Lost Sock Memorial
May 10 is . . Astronomy
Day [I'm waiting for astrology day to celebrate]
May 10 is . . Trust Your Intuition
May 11 is . . Eat What You Want
May 11 is . . Clean Up Your Room
May 12 is . . Limerick
What Would We Do Without Analyses?:
"Analysis: Veto Won't End Iraq Dispute" ---Associated Press
Stay Away From My Children, Hillbilly!:
"Mother Refuses to Let Hicks See Kids" ---Australian
You'd Have to Be Demented to Attack a
Mallet-Wielding Dog: "Man With Dementia Attacks Dog With Mallet" --Sheboygan
America Is Falling Behind: "French Said
to Outpace Americans in French-Bashing" ---Reuters
News You Can Use: "Stop Coming to
Work and Save the Planet" ---Sunday Telegraph (London)
Laws that you will not forget to
Law of Probability: The probability of
being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong
number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell
the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next
morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or
traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you
are in now.
Law of the Bath : When the body is fully
immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Pundity from Punditty
There was the person who sent ten
different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love
and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
My rules of the road
Turn signals will give away your next
move. A real driver never uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a
safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will
fill in that space putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single
lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
The faster you drive through a red light,
the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of an older car that
needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to
That's it from your embedded
reporter lurking on the outskirts of Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples
Democratic Republic of Absurdistan for this week
But on the other hand
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait
a single moment before starting to improve the world.
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