May 4,2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ............................

 
A note to the "surrender monkeys" and "Defeatocrats " Citing polls as proof you're on the right side of an argument is often a
symptom of intellectual cowardice.
 
BTW, Hillary Clinton has dropped "Rodham" from her name on her campaign literature - a sure sign that one of her brothers is about to be indicted - again.

Marvelous Mary's Meanderings ...................................................
 
"Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant"  Is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist."
 
Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.
 
When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.
 
My wife and I divorced over religious differences - She thought she was God and I didn't.
 
Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you!"

Our guide to "Political Correctness" ..........................................
 
Recently deceased  Hawaiian entertainer, Don Ho, had 10 children, 19   grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren and two great-great grandchildren. All those babies in diapers. That's like dozens of nappy-bottomed Hos.

Startling Sarah's Sayings .....................
 
May is... National Egg Month     [So be a good egg]
 
This is National Peace of Mind Week    [And I'm going to give you a piece of mine]
 
May 6 is . . Joseph Brackett Day    [two months after March madness?]
 
May 6 is . . No Diet Day    [hooray]
May 6 is . . No Homework Day

May 7 is . . International Tuba Day    [What do you have to add, Frenchie?]

May 7 is . . National Roast Leg of Lamb Day  

May 8 is . . NASCAR Day    [A day of INTERNATIONAL importance]

May 8 is . . Have A Coke Day  

May 8 is . . No Socks Day

May 8 is . . National Day of Thought    [In what country?]
 
May 9 is . . Lost Sock Memorial Day  

May 10 is . . Astronomy Day    [I'm waiting for astrology day to celebrate]

May 10 is . . Trust Your Intuition Day

May 11 is . . Eat What You Want Day

May 11 is . . Clean Up Your Room Day

May 12 is . . Limerick Day
Actual Headlines ..............................
 
What Would We Do Without Analyses?: "Analysis: Veto Won't End Iraq Dispute" ---Associated Press
 
Stay Away From My Children, Hillbilly!: "Mother Refuses to Let Hicks See Kids" ---Australian
 
You'd Have to Be Demented to Attack a Mallet-Wielding Dog: "Man With Dementia Attacks Dog With Mallet" --Sheboygan (WI) Press
 
America Is Falling Behind: "French Said to Outpace Americans in French-Bashing" ---Reuters
 
News You Can Use: "Stop Coming to Work and Save the Planet" ---Sunday Telegraph (London)
Laws that you will not forget to obey ..................
 
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
 
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
 
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
 
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
 
Law of the Bath : When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Pundity from Punditty ...........
 
There was the person who sent ten different puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did
 
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
 
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
 
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
 
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

My rules of the road ........................
 
Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.
 
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
 
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
 
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
 
Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

That's it from your embedded reporter lurking on the outskirts of Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan for this week
But on the other hand ......................
 
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

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