June 8, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ...............................

 
Is it possible that a few Senators actually listen to their constituents?  News this morning is that the Amnesty Immigration Bill has stalled.  Lets review who wrote this bill.  1. John McCain - a turncoat and political chameleon. 2. Teddy Kennedy - killer of Mary Jo Kopekne, drunken Senator for 40 years and the author of the "No Child Left Behind" bill that is drowning the education system just like Mary Jo. President Bush - A useful idiot that thinks "can't we all get along" in spite of what happened to his father and over and over again to him.  And Senator Kyl - this one I can't figure out unless he got caught with a dead woman or a live boy in his bed.......

Thoughts from an idle mind ...........
 
I was going to write a "Free Paris Hilton" site complete with a "count down" until she was free (as a joke) but the judges in California proved to be even funnier (again) - they let her go!
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Mutterings ......................................
 
The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
 
My Uncle Jack was a counterfeiter, but that doesn't mean he wasn't a great guy. In fact, when he died, he left me four billion dollars.
 
While it's true you aren't fully dressed without a smile, you also need to make sure you're wearing pants. At least that's the arresting officer said.....
 
Some people just don't know how to drive.  I call these people "Everybody But Me."
 
The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!
 
One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.

Studious Sarah's Stutterings ..................................
 
June is Fight The Filthy Fly Month
 
June 10 is . . . . National Yo-Yo Day    [It has it's ups and downs as a holiday]
 
June 11 is . . . . National Hug Holiday
 
June 11 is . . . . King Kamehameha Day
 
June 12 is . . . . Machine Day
 
June 13 is . . . . National Juggling Day     [For all you accountants]
 
June 13 is . . . . Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day    [You know who you are!]
 
June 14 is . . . . Pop Goes The Weasel Day
 
June 15 is . . . . Smile Power Day    [For you optimists]
 
June 16 is . . . . National Hollerin' Contest Day    [Let's hear from you]
Live from New York, it's Jeni .............................
 
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!
 
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else
 
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat

Actual Headlines ...................................
 
YOU JUST CAN'T WIN: "Doctors: Thin People May be Fat on the Inside" -- AP   headline
 
'How He Got Into My Underwear I'll Never Know': "Man Wrestles Leopard in His Underwear" ---Arutz Sheva (Israel)
 
Help Wanted: "Police Looking for Bogus 'Faith Healer"' ---San Francisco Chronicle
 
Adding Insult to Injury: "Death Camps May Charge Entrance Fee" ---Jerusalem Post
 
Et Leest She Cud Spele 'Potatoe': "Clinton Girl Eliminated at National [Spelling] Bee" ---Pantagraph (Bloomington, IL) 
 
"New Jobs for Tommorrow"---Hillary Clinton campaign slogan

Driving Rules you may have forgotten ................
 
Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
 
There is a common held belief that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front. (I know this is true.)
 
It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have brakes.
 
Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.
 
It's O.K when driving in suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one or two finger salute" while screaming out "f****** a******". But it is imperative you are driving a turbo charged V6 or a 5 liter V8, with a crow bar in your lap.

Actual published books .......................
 
"How to Write a Mystery Novel"....by Page Turner  
 
"I Got Away With Murder"....by Scott Free  
 
"Winning Big".....by Jack Potts  
 
"Vacation Spot in the Tropics"....by Sandy Beech  
 
"I Always Enjoy the Darkness"....by Gladys Knight  

Facts of life for everyone .................
 
A day without sunshine is like  night.

On the other hand,  you have different fingers.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

That's it for this week from your embedded reporter in Absurdia, the capital city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the new Governor - Martin O'Malley is going to raise taxes significantly (as I promised) because of all of the bad spending Republicans in the legislature. Dems 137 Reps 52.  Wow! those Republicans have a bigger influence than I thought!

But, on the other hand ..................
 
The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.
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