June 8, 2007
Pushing back the frontiers of
Is it possible that a few Senators
actually listen to their constituents? News this morning is that the
Amnesty Immigration Bill has stalled. Lets review who wrote this
bill. 1. John McCain - a turncoat and political chameleon. 2. Teddy
Kennedy - killer of Mary Jo Kopekne, drunken Senator for 40 years and the author
of the "No Child Left Behind" bill that is drowning the education system just
like Mary Jo. President Bush - A useful idiot that thinks "can't we all get
along" in spite of what happened to his father and over and over again to
him. And Senator Kyl - this one I can't figure out unless he got caught
with a dead woman or a live boy in his bed.......
Thoughts from an idle mind ...........
I was going to write a "Free Paris Hilton" site complete with a "count
down" until she was free (as a joke) but the judges in California proved to be
even funnier (again) - they let her go!
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous
The trouble with jogging is that by the
time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk
My Uncle Jack was a counterfeiter, but
that doesn't mean he wasn't a great guy. In fact, when he died, he left me four
While it's true you aren't fully dressed
without a smile, you also need to make sure you're wearing pants. At least
that's the arresting officer said.....
Some people just don't know how to
drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."
The union workers at the Federal Mint
went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!
One day I shall burst my buds of calm and
blossom into hysteria.
June is Fight The Filthy Fly
June 10 is . . . . National Yo-Yo
Day [It has it's ups and downs as a holiday]
June 11 is . . . . National Hug
June 11 is . . . . King Kamehameha
June 12 is . . . . Machine
June 13 is . . . . National Juggling Day
[For all you accountants]
June 13 is . . . . Kitchen Klutzes Of
America Day [You know who you are!]
June 14 is . . . . Pop Goes The Weasel
June 15 is . . . . Smile Power
Day [For you optimists]
June 16 is . . . . National
Hollerin' Contest Day [Let's hear from you]
Live from New York, it's Jeni
It's not what you gather, but what you
scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat
Actual Headlines ...................................
YOU JUST CAN'T WIN: "Doctors: Thin People May be Fat on the Inside" --
'How He Got Into My Underwear I'll Never Know': "Man Wrestles Leopard in
His Underwear" ---Arutz Sheva (Israel)
Help Wanted: "Police Looking for Bogus 'Faith Healer"' ---San Francisco
Adding Insult to Injury: "Death Camps May Charge Entrance Fee" ---Jerusalem
Et Leest She Cud Spele 'Potatoe': "Clinton Girl Eliminated at National
[Spelling] Bee" ---Pantagraph (Bloomington, IL)
"New Jobs for Tommorrow"---Hillary Clinton
Driving Rules you may have forgotten
Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed
rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection
process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
There is a common held belief that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic
reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car
in front. (I know this is true.)
It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses
because they have brakes.
Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way
It's O.K when driving in suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by
giving the "one or two finger salute" while screaming out "f****** a******". But
it is imperative you are driving a turbo charged V6 or a 5 liter V8, with a crow
bar in your lap.
Actual published books .......................
"How to Write a Mystery Novel"....by Page Turner
"I Got Away With Murder"....by Scott Free
"Winning Big".....by Jack Potts
"Vacation Spot in the Tropics"....by Sandy Beech
"I Always Enjoy the Darkness"....by Gladys Knight
Facts of life for everyone .................
A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter in Absurdia, the
capital city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the new
Governor - Martin O'Malley is going to raise taxes significantly (as I
promised) because of all of the bad spending Republicans in the legislature.
Dems 137 Reps 52. Wow! those Republicans have a bigger influence than I
But, on the other hand ..................