June 27, 2007

Push back the frontiers of ignorance .....................

 
Kermit the frog said it best! "It's not easy being green"  Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Dem. Rep. Ind. Nut. showed up to praise a gathering of manufacturers of alternative energy cars in a fleet of SUV's! 
 
I have finally figured out why President Bush is pushing the amnesty immigration bill - It is a “diversion” to distract Americans from efforts by the government to enter into a North American Union with Canada and Mexico.  Remember his father's declaration of a "new world?"
 
Belly laugh of the week: "Even critics of [Dan] Rather would have to admit he has always stood, firmly and stubbornly, for hard news over fluff and for integrity in the newsroom." ---The Washington Post's TV critic Tom Shales
Mary's Moronic Murmurings .......................
 
My friend Bill always wanted to live in an exclusive gated community, he just never thought it would be in Leavenworth, Kansas
 
The final episode of The Sopranos is over.   From now on, people wanting to watch organized crime will just have to watch our government in action on C-Span
 
Officials say the cost of keeping Paris Hilton in jail is 11 times the cost of the average inmate. Taxpayers described the cost of keeping Paris in jail as totally worth it.
 
I know it's an inevitable milestone in the relationship, but it's still sad when they lose that new-girlfriend smell.
 
In California, there's a 6-month waiting period for filing for divorce, but only a 15-day waiting period for buying a handgun. It's nice to know the government is giving us advice on how to work out our problems.
People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it`s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Sarah's Soperific Sayings ......................
 
June is National Papaya Month   [Is that because it's Father's Day?]
 
June 24 is . . . . Museum Comes To Life Day
 
June 25 is . . . . Log Cabin Day
 
June 26 is . . . . National Chocolate Pudding Day    [I can get behind this one!]
 
June 27 is . . . . National Columnists Day
 
June 28 is . . . . Paul Bunyan Day
 
June 29 is . . . . Camera Day    [Can you picture this one?]
 
June 30 is . . . . Meteor Day

Actual Headlines ........................................
 
SHORTAGE OF ROAD KILL IN ALABAMA? "Pets: To Cook, or Not" -- Birmingham News headline
 
"Fortunetellers Did Not See Dead Raccoons, Car Vandalism in Salem's Future" ---FoxNews.com
 
The First Step Is Admitting You Have a Problem: "Nagin Demands State Provide Mental Health Services" --Times-Picayune (New Orleans)
 
Could It Possibly Get Worse?: "Reuters Trustees Say Sale Won't Hurt Journalism" ---The New York Times
 
No, It's a Different Kind of Wind: "Will We Have Gas During Hurricanes?" ---WTSP-TV Web site (Tampa, FL)
 
News You Can Use: "Stressed Out? Blame Your Parents" ---U.S. News & World Report

Live from New York , It's Jeni .............................
 
"No" is a complete sentence.
 
In good times and bad, we all need friends who will pray for us, listen to us and lend a comforting hand and an understanding ear when needed.
 
There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them. 

From the Punster .........................
 
I'm having a hard time getting over my failed prediction on who the father of Anna Nicole's baby. I just knew it would be some guy from Indiana. After all, Hoosier daddy.
 
Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows Therefore, he'd visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed and gave excellent milk. But the news got around about the cows.  They became known as the laughing stock of the community.  

Not everyone has a way with a musing ....................
 
"Keep a stiff upper chin."
 
"The squeaky wheel gets the spoke."
 
"I can lead you to horsewater, but I can't make you drink."
 
"He'd give you the arm off his back."
Laws you should not forget ........................
 
Remember, while it's illegal to leave the scene of an accident, there's nothing to stop you from driving away if you run over someone on purpose.
 
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
 
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
 
Al's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 
Wilson 's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it..     

That's it for this week from your embedded reporter, deep in the throe's of trying to survive in Absurdia, the capital of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.

But, on the other hand ..................
 
Make yourself a blessing to someone. Your kind smile or pat on the back just might pull someone back from the edge.