June 29, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ...........

 
Unexpected news - The Bush, Kennedy, McCain Illegal Amnesty bill was defeated in the Senate this week.  Talk about three losers...  McCain took another hit this week when the Supremes practically gutted the McCain-Feingold bill.
 
Speaking of future losers -The video described in a civil suit as "smoking gun" evidence that Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) committed felonies became available on the Internet Friday.  On the tape the former first lady and leading Democratic presidential contender is heard speaking in 2000 with Hollywood mogul Peter Paul, comic book icon Stan Lee, and director Aaron Tonkin
Mary's Marvelous Mutterings ..................................
 
The Vatican this week published something itís calling the 'Ten Commandments for Drivers.' It's commandments you should follow while you drive. They actually mention me by name.
 
The Vatican also encourages you to pray while you drive: Our Father who art in heaven don't let Lindsay Lohan or Billy Joel cross my path on my way to work.
 
I am definitely not a procrastinator.  In fact, I'm already planning my 2008 weight loss goals.
 
The Department of Health and Human Services officially recognized obesity as a medical illness. Doctors say symptoms include shortness of breath and 'wideness' of ass
 
You know how in "As Good As It Gets," Jack Nicholson starts off as a complete jerk, but you gradually start to love him? I'm trying something like that.  I already have the first part down cold.
 
The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it.
Sappy Sarah's Sayings ............................................
 
July is Get Out of Town Month
 
July is also Penguin Awareness Month    [I guess this is fir Linux users?]
 
This is Be Nice To New Jersey Week    [just for you, Anne]
 
July 1 is . . . . . Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day
 
July 1 is . . . . . Build A Scarecrow Day

July 2 is . . . . . I Forgot Day

July 3 is . . . . . Chimborazo Day    [Whatever that is?:]

July 3 is . . . . . Air Conditioning Appreciation Day    {Yeah!]

July 3 is . . . . . Compliment Your Mirror Day

July 4 is . . . . . National Country Music Day

July 4 is . . . . . Tom Sawyer Fence-Painting Day

July 4 is . . . . . Independence From Meat Day    [I'll eat an extra hamburger or two to celebrate]

June 5 is . . . . . Festival Of Popular Delusions Day     

July 5 is . . . . . Workaholics Day    [I'm going to take this day off]

July 6 is . . . . . National Fried Chicken Day

July 6 is . . . . . Donut Day    [Oh Yeah!]

July 6 is . . . . . Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day

July 7 is . . . . . Heirloom Seed Day    [Do you have any heirloom seeds?  Where do you plant them?]

July 7 is . . . . . National Trails Day    [Happy trails to you]
July 7 is . . . . . National Strawberry Sundae Day
 

Actual Headlines ......................
 
FORMER JOCK, NOW IN THE DOCK: "Upset with Wife's Online Chats, Man Shoots Computer" -- Scranton (Penn.) Times-Tribune headline
 
This week's "Gag Reflex" Award: "You have to respect him for sticking to his principles." ---CBS's Katie Couric on Jimmy Carter
 
It's Almost Down to 100%: "Steep Drop in Death Among Diabetic Men" ---WebMD.com
 
But Only She Would Inhale: "Bernstein: Clintons Would Operate Joint Presidency" ---The New York Sun
 
News You Can Use: "Candidates' Names Are Tough in Chinese" ---Associated Press
 
Breaking News From 1800: "Group Announces Support for Jefferson" ---Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Outdoors: Don't Trash Carp, Hook 'Em With an 'Ugly Bugger"' ---Idaho Statesman (Boise)

Live from New York, It's Jeni ...............................
 
I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there: They have no wife to go home to... or they do.
 
We've had huge rain storms all the way from Minnesota to New York. Or as Al Gore calls it, global leaking
 
If it was raining soup, I would only have a fork!
 
Every time I hear the phrase "There's always someone worse off than you are," I get upset.  I wish they would just leave me out of it.
From the Punster ..................
 
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most Vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist friars.
Not everyone has a way with a saying ..................
 
"Keep a stiff upper chin."
 
"The squeaky wheel gets the spoke."
 
"I can lead you to horsewater, but I can't make you drink."
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter with the troops (Boy Scout) outside of the Beltway around Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the boy who was Mayor (and accomplished nothing became Governor and may be Hillary's vice-president nominee.....

But, on the other hand ........................
 
Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself.
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