July 6, 2007

A personal note to some of my critics and you know who you are .............

DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in  this newsletter. Any errors or "typos" you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can't spell a word more than one way.
Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .........
On the 7th of July 1947 a flying saucer crashed in the desert near Roswell NM.   9 months later - March 1948  Al Gore was born.  Coincidence?  You do the math!
From the unintended consequences file, U S Congress section - Now that we are required to use more and more ethanol in our gasoline, the price, worldwide, has gone up for tacos, beer and all other food items made with corn.
A patriot without religion in my estimation is as great a  paradox as an honest man without the fear of God.  

Marvelous Mary's Meandering Mutterings .......................................

If I ever have to have surgery again, I'm going to refuse local anesthesia.  My health is important enough to me that I think it would be worth it to splurge on the fancy imported kind.
The thing I like best about fantasy is that I can afford it.
Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?"
I think we should look towards charcoal as our country's next fuel source, since it's really easy to find at the grocery store.  Throw in some hickory chunks and America would have a nice smokey aroma.
Considering that I live in the most technologically advanced country in the world, it's eerie how many women I meet who have disconnected phone numbers.
Sappy Sarah's Salacious Sayings .................
July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month  [And do we need this]
This is National Farriers Week
This is also Nude Recreation Week
July 8 is . . . . . Video Games Day    [for the youngsters]

July 8 is . . . . . Upsy Daisy Day

July 8 is . . . . . is Name Your Poison Day

July 9 is . . . . . National Sugar Cookie Day

July 10 is . . . . . Clerihew Day

July 10 is . . . . . Don't Step On A Bee Day    [that might be good advice on any day]

July 10 is . . . . . Chuy's National Taco Day

July 11 is . . . . . National Yo-Yo Day  

July 11 is . . . . . National Cheer Up The Lonely Day    [At least send me an email]

July 12 is . . . . . National Pecan Pie Day

July 13 is . . . . . Blame Someone Else Day

June 13 is . . . . . National Juggling Day

June 13 is . . . . . Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

July 13 is . . . . . Embrace Your Geekness Day

July 13 is . . . . . Gruntled Workers Day

July 13 is . . . . . International Skeptics Day

July 13 is . . . . . Fool's Paradise Day

July 14 is . . . . . National Nude Day

July 14 is . . . . . International Town Criers Day    [Stop global whining]

Live from New York, It's Jeni ..............................
Those in possession of absolute power cannot only prophesy and make their prophecies come true, but they can also lie and make their lies come true.
The time is now, the place is here.  Stay in the present.  You can do nothing to change the past and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for.
Actual Headlines .........................
OH BALONEY! "Kiwi-Flavoured Sausage One of the Wurst Imaginable" --  Reuters headline
"Nutter Wins in Democratic Primary" ---Philadelphia Inquirer
So Global Warming Diminishes Hurricanes?: "Storm Felled by Fever" ---Seattle Post-Intelligencer
So Much for Global Warming!: "Poll Finds Most of World Is Cool With China Catching Up With U.S. " ---WorldTribune.com

Summer Is on the Way: "NASA Study: Eastern U.S. to Get Hotter" ---Associated Press

New driving rules to keep in mind ...................................
When the light turns red, you have 3 more seconds to go through the intersection.

It is not necessary to completely change lanes to pass another vehicle.

You are required to keep a two-tenths-of-a-second distance between you and the car in front.

Crosswalks are painted on the road purely for decoration.

You are required to speed up if it appears somebody will be changing lanes to be in front of you.

Facts you should know to keep the party going ..................

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.  [And I just caught you trying!]
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.

That's about it from your embedded reporter, lurking on the fringes of Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the city high school graduation rate is about 8% - that's right!

But, on the other hand .......................
Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.