July 6, 2007
A personal note to some of my
critics and you know who you are .............
DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in
this newsletter. Any errors or "typos" you find were also found by me less than
10 minutes after I sent it out.
As far as spelling is concerned, Mark
Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can't spell a word more than one
Pushing back the frontiers of
On the 7th of July 1947 a flying saucer
crashed in the desert near Roswell NM. 9 months later - March
1948 Al Gore was born. Coincidence? You do the
From the unintended consequences file, U
S Congress section - Now that we are required to use more and more ethanol in
our gasoline, the price, worldwide, has gone up for tacos, beer and all other
food items made with corn.
A patriot without religion in my
estimation is as great a paradox as an honest man without the fear of
Marvelous Mary's Meandering Mutterings
If I ever have to have surgery again, I'm going to refuse local
anesthesia. My health is important enough to me that I think it would be
worth it to splurge on the fancy imported kind.
The thing I like best about fantasy is that I can afford it.
Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever
see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?"
I think we should look towards charcoal as our country's next fuel source,
since it's really easy to find at the grocery store. Throw in some hickory
chunks and America would have a nice smokey aroma.
Considering that I live in the most technologically advanced country in the
world, it's eerie how many women I meet who have disconnected phone
Sappy Sarah's Salacious Sayings .................
July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month [And do we need this]
This is National Farriers Week
This is also Nude Recreation Week
July 8 is . . . . . Video Games Day [for the
July 8 is . . . . . Upsy Daisy Day
July 8 is . . . . . is Name Your Poison Day
July 9 is . . . . . National Sugar Cookie Day
July 10 is . . . . . Clerihew Day
July 10 is . . . . . Don't Step On A Bee Day [that
might be good advice on any day]
July 10 is . . . . . Chuy's National Taco Day
July 11 is . . . . . National Yo-Yo Day
July 11 is . . . . . National Cheer Up The Lonely Day
[At least send me an email]
July 12 is . . . . . National Pecan Pie Day
July 13 is . . . . . Blame Someone Else Day
June 13 is . . . . . National Juggling Day
June 13 is . . . . . Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
July 13 is . . . . . Embrace Your Geekness Day
July 13 is . . . . . Gruntled Workers Day
July 13 is . . . . . International Skeptics Day
July 13 is . . . . . Fool's Paradise Day
July 14 is . . . . . National Nude Day
July 14 is . . . . . International Town Criers Day
[Stop global whining]
Live from New York, It's Jeni
Those in possession of absolute power cannot only prophesy and make their
prophecies come true, but they can also lie and make their lies come true.
The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You
can do nothing to change the past and the future will never come exactly as you
plan or hope for.
Actual Headlines .........................
OH BALONEY! "Kiwi-Flavoured Sausage One of the Wurst Imaginable" --
"Nutter Wins in Democratic Primary" ---Philadelphia Inquirer
So Global Warming Diminishes Hurricanes?: "Storm Felled by Fever"
So Much for Global Warming!: "Poll Finds Most of World Is Cool With China
Catching Up With U.S. " ---WorldTribune.com
Summer Is on the Way: "NASA Study: Eastern U.S. to Get Hotter"
New driving rules to keep in mind
When the light turns red, you have 3 more seconds to go through the
It is not necessary to completely change lanes to pass another
You are required to keep a two-tenths-of-a-second distance between you
and the car in front.
Crosswalks are painted on the road purely for
You are required to speed up if it appears somebody will be
changing lanes to be in front of you.
Facts you should know to keep the party going
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. [And I
just caught you trying!]
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year
because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of
all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
That's about it from your embedded reporter, lurking on the fringes of
Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan
where the city high school graduation rate is about 8% - that's
But, on the other hand .......................
Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the
small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to
sleep in peace. God is awake.