August 24, 2007
 
 
Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ...............
 
This is for all of you Pennsylvanians on the list.  John Murtha claimed our sons and daughters in Iraq were murders, rapists, etc. based on rumors form the rag-head enemy combatants.   A thorough investigation proved they were lies.  Where is the apology from this unindicted co-conspirator?  Get rid of this enemy - John Murtha!
 
Since the bridge collapse in the midwest recently, the Libs in congress have been trying to find a way to build a bridge to your wallet!

Muttering Mary's Marvelous Malapropos ............
 
They say that genius is 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration.  Then again, so is mowing the lawn.
 
I wonder if those Taliban guys have ever tried donuts. Because it's hard to believe anybody would want to kill people after eating a donut.
 
Personally, I don't worry about identity theft.  I just imagine the thief's face when he realizes he's wanted in three states for bank robbery.
 
If you lie down with dogs, fleas may be the least of your problems.
 
Every time I see Smokey the Bear on television saying, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires,"I hope he's talking to somebody else, because I've got enough responsibilities as it is.
Sappy Sarah's Stupendous Sayings .......................
 
August is Romance Awareness Month   &

August is also Foot Health Month  [Coincidence?]
 
This is National Waffle Week
 
August 26 is...National Cherry Popsicle Day
 
August 26 is...Women's Equality Day
 
August 27 is..."The Duchess" Who Wasn't Day
 
August 27 is...Petroleum Day
 
August 28 is...World Sauntering Day    {So, saunter away while it's legal]
 
August 28 is...Emancipation Dream Day
 
August 28 is...Race Your Mouse Around The Icons Day    Have fun]
 
August 29 is...More Herbs, Less Salt Day
 
August 29 is...Banana Split Day invented- Latrobe PA 1904
 
August 30 is...National Toasted Marshmallow Day 
 
August 31 is...National Trail Mix Day  
 
August 31 is...Love Litigating Lawyers Day    [That will be the day!]
Actual Headlines ...............................
 
BOY, ARE THEY STRICT! "Student May Be Suspended for Strangling His Teacher" -- Malaysia Star headline
 
Can't We Blame Bush?: "When Gas Prices Go Up, Blame Dean" ---Detroit Free Press
 
Global Warming Strikes Again: "Snow to Leave Before Bush" ---Associated Press
 
'May God Strike Me Dead. On Second Thought, May He Not.': "Woman Saved From Lightning by Flip-Flops" ---Associated Press
 
Dude, the Interchange Looks Just Like a Big Leaf!: "Stoner Presents Harmony/I-25 Plan" ---Northern Colorado Business Report
 
Good Thing It Isn't Thanksgiving: "Team USA Burns Turkey" ---Charlotte(NC) Observer
 
But All They Attracted Was Flies: "Schools Offer Free Water, Garbage to Attract Teachers" ---WRAL-TV Web site (Raleigh, NC)
 
Redundancy at Work: "Democrats Vow Pursuit of Rove Over Scandals" ---Financial Times 
 
Say it isn't so "Hillary Clinton Panders in Talk to Blacks" ---Chicago Sun-Times

Some of the worlds biggest lies ...................................
 
- "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock."
 
- "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height."
 
- "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed."
 
- "Of course I'll respect you in the morning."
 
- "You don't look a day over 40."

Daffynitions for the loosely tied .......................
 
MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of
spaghetti without it touching the sides.
 
MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife.
 
NONDESCRIPT: A television play.
 
ODIOUS: Not very good poetry.
 
PARENTS: Couples who practice the Rhythm Method.
 
PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons.
 
RACIAL DISPUTE: When the race course judge calls for a photo.

Wow! Busy week here!  Ben got his black belt in karate and started his freshman year at Franciscan University, Ethan turned 9 years old, and Matt started at Yale Medical School....

That's it for this week from your embedded reporter hiding in the outskirts of Absurdia, the capital city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where corruption is encoded in the government system.

But, on the other hand ...................
 
A candle that lights another loses nothing.