September 7, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ................
 
Because of the arrest of Larry Craig, if the Democrats got any happier they would be gay - not that there is anything wrong with that.  But there is!  There is something inheritantly evil about a group that celebrates the destruction of a fellow human being.
 
Mexico does not end at its borders. Where there is a  Mexican, there is Mexico."   By Mexican President Felipe  Calderon.  And if that doesn't scare the hell out of you ........... Buenas Noches, America

Marvelous Mary's Melodious Mutterings ................
 
I searched for the bluebird of happiness, but all I found was the chicken of despair
 
I just got a copy of "People's 100 Most Beautiful Women". I have searched cover to cover, and I still can't find the order form.
A 94-year-old great-great grandmother has become the oldest person in the world to earn a Masters degree. Everyone is excited for the 94 year old, except her student loan officer
 
I got a lot of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck
 
Drag the Joneses down to your level. It's cheaper
 
I wish I had a dollar for every time somebody told me to slow down while I was driving. Then maybe I could pay this speeding ticket
 
Silly Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings ............
 
September is Update Your Resume Month    [hmmm....]
 
This is Balance Awareness Week    [How's your checking account?]

This is also National Love Your Files Week
 
September 9 is...Teddy Bear Day
 
September 10 is...Wonderful Weirdoes Day
 
September 10 is...Swap Ideas Day
 
September 10 is...Sew Be It! Day
 
September 11 is... No News Is Good News Day  
 
September 12 is...National Chocolate Milkshake Day
 
September 12 is...Video Games Day
 
September 13 is...Doodle Soup Days
 
September 13 is...Defy Superstition Day
 
September 13 is...Fortune Cookie Day
 
September 14 is...National Cream-filled Donut Day 
 
September 15 is...Felt Hat Day

Actual Headlines ..............................
 
NOW THAT REALLY IS NEWS: "Normal Man Died of Natural Causes in Florida" -- Bloomington (Ill.) Pantagraph headline
 
Everything Is His Fault!: "Bush War Leaves Central African Villages Deserted" ---Reuters  ++ "Human Family Tree Now a Tangled, Messy Bush" ---LiveScience.com
 
We Fault Editors of Headline Writers: "State Faults Teachers of English Learners" ---Arizona Republic
 
Do We Really Need This Kind of Name Calling?: "Clinton, Edwards Butt Heads" ---Portsmouth (NH) Herald News
 
And We Know How Prone He Is to Distraction: "Bill Clinton's Challenge: Keep Focus on His Wife" ---The New York Times
 
New Mexico Must Grossly Underpay Its Governor: "Richardson Calls for College Loan Help" ---Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "That Strange Object in the Sky? It's the Sun" ---Wausau (WI) Daily Herald
 
NOW THAT THE NEWCASTLE COAL CONCESSION HAS DRIED UP: "Aussies Sell Sand to Saudis" -- Sydney Telegraph headline

More of Worlds biggest lies .......................
 
"The check is in the mail"
 
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help you."
 
"Your hair looks just fine."
 
"Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there."
 
"You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee."
Daffynitions ........................
 
REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to.
 
SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions.
 
SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother.
 
SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man.
 
SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day.

Some Latin you need to know ...........................
 
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat. - It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
 
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris. - If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.
 
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit! - God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Puns from the punster ....................................
 
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Academic Crap Phrases Deciphered ...................
 
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...  I didn't look up the original reference.
 
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless.
 
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

That's it for this week from your embedded reporter.  Still marveling over the choice of candidates for the Mayor of the capital city of Absurdia.  The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan will now increase all of it's taxes and fees, just what the citizens voted for.
But, on the other hand ...............
 
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.
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