September 14, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ..............

"Pinch" Sulzberger, well known traitor and owner of the New York Times gave those useful idiots of El Gaeda, a $102,000 discount on a full page ad which normally sells for $167,157 so that they paid only $65,000 to do a character assassination of General Petraeus entitled "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?" and not a word of condemnation from the Democratic Party who voted to appoint General Petraeus...............
It's getting close to the point where Osama bin Laden could deliver the keynote speech at the Democrat National Convention

Melodious Mary's Manic Mutterings .................
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft ... Today, it's called golf.
My wife and I divorced over religious differences - She thought she was God and I didn't.
I may not be able to buy happiness, but I still want the money.
In 1999, Vice President Al Gore ended an 11-day silence about his much-ridiculed claim that he invented the Internet. Gore said, "I was pretty tired when I made that comment because I had been up very late the night before inventing the camcorder...  
Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it
Stupendous Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings ..................
September is National Biscuit Month & National Chicken Month    [can you say "chicken & biscuits!"
This is National Love Your Files Week
This is also National Dog Week
September 16 is...Stay Away From Seattle Day
September 16 is...Collect Rocks Day
September 17 is...National Apple Dumpling Day
September 12 is...National Personal Chef Day
September 18 is... National Play-doh Day
September 19 is...National Butterscotch Pudding Day
September 20 is...National Punch Day
September 20 is...Hollywood Magic Day
September 21 is...Banana Festival Day
September 22 is...Dear Diary Day
September 22 is...Elephant Day
September 22 is...Fish Amnesty Day    [just like dating - catch & release]
September 22 is...Hobbit Day

Actual Headlines ................................
THAT'S THE WAY IT ALWAYS HAPPENS: "Man Married, Sentenced on Same Day" -- AP headline
War of the Worlds: "Soldier From Venus Dies in Iraq" ---Dallas Morning News
Breaking News From 99: "Almanac Calls for Hottest Year in 100" ---Associated Press
The Rest of the Week Was Just a Blur: "Grandparents Remembered Sunday" ---El Paso (TX) Times
News You Can Use: "Kids Smarter Than Apes---Sometimes, Anyway" ---Reuters

What Would Palestinians Do Without Norway?: "Norway Warns of Risk of Palestinian Civil War" ---Financial Times
Pitiful Puns from the Funster Punster ...............
There was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!
Book titles you may find in the library soon ........
The French Chef -- by Sue Flay

Unemployed -- by Anita Job

Off to Market -- by Tobias A. Pigg

I Lived in Baltimore -- by Helen Earth

Inflammation, Please -- by Arthur Itis

Handel's Messiah -- by Ollie Luyah

Downpour! -- by Wayne Dwops
Real Newspaper Ads .........................
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.  8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES:  1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES...  Mother, AKC German Shepherd
Father, Super to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat ... Been out a while.   Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.  Also 1 gay bull for sale.
Useful Actual Maryland Laws ...................
In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get.  
Every person who has bowled since 1833 may be fined $2 for each offense.  
In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.  
It's illegal to mistreat oysters.  
It's illegal to play Randy Newman's "Short People" on the radio.  

That's it for this week from your embedded reporter lurking on the outskirts of Absurdia, the nominal capital city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the voters voted to keep their high school graduation rate at about 5% and to murder at least one person a day in a shrinking city of about 300,000.
And, the Democrats hate Wal-Mart. A study released by Wal-Mart indicates the world’s largest retailer now saves American families an average of $2,500 a year, up 7.3 percent from 2004.

But, on the other hand ..........
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.
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