September 28,2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ....................

 
Two major reasons that President Bush should be impeached.  His job, as outlined in the Constitution, is to protect our borders and sovereignty.  He has left our southern border wide open (and punished border guards for doing their job) and has aligned himself with the left on the "Sea Treaty" which would give up our ability to protect ourselves on the open sea and give up our off shore oil rights!
 
The castrati at Columbia invited Mahmoud Ahmadine-nut-job to spread his insanity among the undergraduates and to reinforce the liberal insanity of it's professors and then took a shot of testosterone to "ask tough questions" only after our fellow citizens outrage was realized - too little, too late!

Marvelous Mary's Melodious Mutterings ...........................
 
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and you just might get a hung jury.
 
A word to the wise isnít necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice
 
Not such a bad day for that student who was tasered at the John Kerry speech in Florida. If you've ever heard John Kerry speak, being tasered is a bit less painful.
 
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money.  Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussels sprouts never do.
 
My anger management counselor really pisses me off!
Super Sarah's Stupendous Sayings .........................
 
October is National Go Hog Wild - Eat Country Ham
 
This is Mystery Series Week    [Reread a Hardy Boy's or a Sherlock Holmes]
 
October 1 is . . . . . World Vegetarian Day
 
October 1 is . . . . . Magic Circles Day

October 2 is . . . . . Name Your Car Day

October 2 is . . . . . World Farm Animals Day

October 3 is . . . . . Virus Appreciation Day  

October 3 is . . . . . Dalton Defenders Days    [always defend your dalton!]

October 3 is . . . . . Lee's National Denim Day

October 3 is . . . . . World Smile Day    [at least, try]

October 3 is . . . . . Virus Appreciation Day    [oh yeah]

October 4 is . . . . . International Frugal Fun Day    [Cheapskate!]

October 4 is . . . . . Toot Your Flute Day

October 4 is . . . . . Ten-Four Day    [10-4 old buddy]

October 4 is . . . . . National Golf Day    [What? Isn't EVERY day]

October 5 is . . . . . National Storytelling Festival

October 5 is . . . . . Intergeneration Day[Get your generator checked]

October 5 is . . . . . Spinach Lovers Day

October 6 is . . . . . Come and Take It Day   [and get arrested]

October 6 is . . . . . Jackie Mayer Rehab Day    [It was time that Jackie got rehabbed]

October 6 is . . . . . World Habitat Day

October 6 is . . . . . Women's New Day

October 6 is . . . . . World Herbal Health Day    [make sure your herbs are healthy!]

Actual Headlines .......................................................
 
OVERKILL: "Orlando Police Ask for Guns, Get Missile Launcher" -- Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel headline
 
Osama Imitates Obama: "Osama bin Laden may release a new message within days calling for attacks on Pakistan, according to a group that monitors extremist Web sites." ---Bloomberg
 
News of the Tautological: "Stuck in Traffic? You're Not Alone" ---Associated Press
 
It Better Not Be Wide: "Anglican Gay-Bishop Stance is Put to a Test" ---Chicago Tribune
 
'Dude, No Wonder I Can't Inhale!': "Sam's Joint Smoke-Free" ---Grand Rapids (MI) Press
 
Avast, Software Buccaneers, You Be Keelhauled!: "University in N.D. Warns Students About Pirating" ---Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Campaign Comments Can't Always Be Taken at Face Value" ---Bellingham (WA) Herald
 
Who Noticed: "Chafee Quietly Quits the GOP" ---Providence (RI) Journal
 
Bottom Story of the Day: "Democrats Fail to Pass Anti-War Bill" ---Associated Press
Poor Puns from the Perfect Punster .......................
 
A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration, but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is cheap!  
Excerpts from my resume ............................
 
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.
 
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice too my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
 
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
 
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
 
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Important Book Titles .............................
House Construction -- by Bill Jerome Home
 
Yellow River -- by Iam Ping

Lewis Carroll -- by Alison Wonderland

Leo Tolstoy -- by Warren Peace

The L. A. Lakers Breakfast -- by Kareem O' Wheat
That's it this week from your embedded reporter in the principle city without principles - Absurdia, located in the middle of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where only 4-6 per cent of our students graduate but we like it that way....
But, on the other hand - Yesterday is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.

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