October 12, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ....................

A few weeks ago, Democrat Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid lured two young children to the public spotlight to help him pass a massive expansion of government health insurance.  12-year-old Graeme Frost delivered the Democrat radio address. 
The rest of the story.......
The children's father, Halsey Frost, owns commercial real estate and his own small business, but chose not to buy health insurance for himself and his wife, whom he hired as an employee.  The children both go to private schools and live in a house valued at over $300,000...... 
In other words: The public trough is not Halsey Frost's last and only resort.   Now you know, AGAIN!
Marvelous Mary's Melodious Mutterings ........................
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie
Remember, stressed spelled backwards is desserts!!
That guy must be the rudest doctor in the world. I just asked him one simple little medical question: "What am I supposed to do with these suppositories?"
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends
Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you

Sappy Sarah's Stupendous Sayings .......................
October is National Popcorn Poppin' Month &
National Pickled Pepper Month   [take your choice]
This is National Pet Peeve Week
October 14 is . . . . Be Bald and Free Day
October 14 is . . . . National Dessert Day

October 15 is . . . . National Grouch Day

October 16 is . . . . National Boss Day    [Is yesterday the reason for today?]

October 16 is . . . . National Cut Up Your Credit Card Day

October 17 is . . . . Gaudy Day    [If you didn't cut up your credit card yesterday]

October 18 is . . . . No Beard Day

October 18 is . . . . Sweetest Day

October 18 is . . . . Evaluate Your Life Day
October 21 is . . . . Babbling Day   

October 22 is . . . . National Nut Day    [Sounds like a repeat of yesterday]

October 20 is . . . . National Brandied Fruit Day

Actual Headlines ............................................
WHAT NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF: "Detective Posed as Corpse to Catch Funeral Parlour Vandals" -- London Daily Mail headline
Al Gore: That's Nothing, I Invented the Damn Thing: "Kim Jong Il: I'm an Internet Expert" ---Associated Press
Most People Already Have It: "Scientist Seeks Contempt for Journalists" ---Associated Press
What Do You Have to Do to Get Fired From That Job?: "Fired 'Butt-Print Art' Teacher Sues School" ---Associated Press
Accounting Tricks: "Hookers to Help Sheriff Balance the Books" ---Flint (MI) Journal
'Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?': "Customers Hoping for Little Change" ---Gloucester County (NJ) Times
To Be on the Safe Side, We Still Won't Eat It: "Low Risk to Humans Seen in Animal Feed" ---Associated Press
Bottom Story of the Day: "School Lunch Lures Rodents" ---Enterprise (Brockton, MA)
What Happens After We Die?: "Traffic on I-10 Eastbound Near Downtown Slows After Death" ---Houston Chronicle
The Key to Immortality: "Aspirin Protects Women From Dying of Any Cause" ---Bloomberg
My resume, finalized ..................................
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
So I retired and I found I am perfect for the job!
Peter the Punster, Pontificates ...............................
An American couple was fond of England and of all things richly historic and aged. They decided to retire to London. They found this house during their July vacation. They moved into the house in December.  To their horror, they found that their new home was abysmally cold.
They immediately set about trying to get a central heating system installed. Sadly, they were told by contractor after contractor that in a house that old, it simply wasn't feasible.
"I was afraid it would come down to this," the husband finally said.  "What, honey?" the wife asked.
"We can't have archaic and heat it, too."

That's it this week from your embedded reporter, lurking on the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where one business owner had the courage to record the following telephone answering machine message -
Press '1' for English.

Press '2' to disconnect until you learn to speak English

But, on the other hand .....................
If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got.

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