October 26, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .........................

 
Will Harry Reid, Navy Pelosi and the unindicted co-conspirator John Murtha call for an immediate pull out of firefighters in California since they were "surged" early on and the fires keep spreading?  Let's bring the firemen home in an immediate "redeployment!"
 
Chillary Clinton & Schmucky Schumer (Democratic senators NY) wrote a bill that would give a million of our tax dollars to commemorate the event the pharmaceutically enhanced bunch of losers called "Woodstock!"
Marvelous Mary's Melodic Mutterings ..................
 
Do Illiterate People Have A Problem Digesting Alphabet Soup ?
 
What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?  "Make me one with everything."  
 
At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn't know gave me anything.   Even the people I know don't give me anything

My psychiatrist said "I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
 
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.  

If you're trying really hard not to be neurotic, it's probably too late.

Stupendous Sarah's Superfluous Sayings ..........................
 
This is still National Sarcastics Month  
 
This is Getting The World To Beat A Path To Your Door Week
 
October 28 is . . . . Plush Animal Lover's Day and
 
October 28 is . . . . National Chocolate Day

October 29 is . . . . Hermit Day

October 30 is . . . . National Candy Corn Day

October 30 is . . . . Create A Great Funeral Day

October 30 is . . . . Haunted Refrigerator Night

October 31 is . . . . Halloween [A truly bizarre holiday.]

October 31 is . . . . Bring Your Jack-O-Lantern To Work Day

October 31 is . . . . Frankenstein Friday

October 31 is . . . . National Knock-Knock Jokes Day

October 31 is . . . . Increase Your Pyschic Powers Day

October 31 is . . . . National Magic Day
 
November 1 is . . . . . Homony & grits Day

November 1 is . . . . . Plan Your Epitaph Day

November 1 is . . . . . Sadie Hawkins Day

November 2 is . . . . . Monarch Butterfly Day

November 2 is . . . . . National Deviled Egg Day

November 2 is . . . . . National Celebacy Day

November 3 is . . . . . Fat Lady Sings Day

November 3 is . . . . . Sandwich Day

November 3 is . . . . . Cliché Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Actual Headlines ...........................
 
Sandy Berger Has a New Best Friend: "Man Puts Puppy in Pants and Slips Off" ---St. Petersburg (FL) Times
 
Why Not Replace Them With STERN Ones?: "LAX Screeners Fail 75% of Bomb-Detection Tests" ---Los Angeles Times
 
Help Wanted: "Cross-Dressing Bandit Sought" ---Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
 
If He's So Independent-Minded, Why Is He Consulting an Oracle?: "An Independent-Minded CEO Faces Oracle" ---The Wall Street Journal
 
News You Can Use: "Mental Disorders Are Disorders of the Brain" ---Science Daily
 
Story of the Day: "Pa. Woman Accused of Being a Potty Mouth" ---Associated Press
 
IT'S OFFICIAL -- AMERICA IS 100% BIPOLAR: "AP Poll: Americans Optimistic for 2007" -- AP headline, December 30; "Poll: Americans See Gloom, Doom in 2007" -- AP headline, December 31

Bumper stickers seen around the Lisbon Beltway ........................
 
We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
 
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
 
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
 
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
 
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

Products of the Prolific Punster ........................
 
After devouring too many cheeseburgers in paradise, Jimmy Buffet had piled on tons of weight. He immediately rented a villa in a Budapest fat farm run by a Hungarian martinette named Rita. She so starved him and had him run and work out morning, noon and night, that after just three weeks he literally was wasting away in Magyar Rita's ville.  

That's it for this week from your embedded reporter in the suburb called Absurbia, just outside of the city of Absurdia, the principal city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where our few high school graduates proudly wear their t-shirts reading "I is a Graduate"
But, on the other hand .................
 
When you get to your wit's end,  you'll find God lives there.
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