October 26, 2007
Pushing back the frontiers of
Will Harry Reid, Navy Pelosi and the
unindicted co-conspirator John Murtha call for an immediate pull out of
firefighters in California since they were "surged" early on and the fires keep
spreading? Let's bring the firemen home in an immediate
Chillary Clinton & Schmucky Schumer
(Democratic senators NY) wrote a bill that would give a million of our tax
dollars to commemorate the event the pharmaceutically enhanced bunch of
losers called "Woodstock!"
Marvelous Mary's Melodic
Do Illiterate People Have A Problem
Digesting Alphabet Soup ?
What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot
dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."
At the airport they asked me if anybody I
didn't know gave me anything. Even the people I know don't give me
My psychiatrist said "I think your
problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
It's a small world. So you gotta use your
elbows a lot.
If you're trying really hard not to
be neurotic, it's probably too late.
Stupendous Sarah's Superfluous
This is still National Sarcastics
This is Getting The World To Beat A Path
To Your Door Week
October 28 is . . . . Plush Animal
Lover's Day and
October 28 is . . . . National Chocolate
October 29 is . . . . Hermit
October 30 is . . . . National Candy Corn Day
October 30 is . . . . Create A Great Funeral Day
October 30 is . . . . Haunted Refrigerator Night
October 31 is .
. . . Halloween [A truly bizarre holiday.]
October 31 is . . . . Bring Your Jack-O-Lantern To Work Day
October 31 is . . . . Frankenstein Friday
October 31 is . . . . National Knock-Knock Jokes Day
October 31 is . . . . Increase Your Pyschic Powers Day
October 31 is . . . . National Magic Day
November 1 is . . . . . Homony & grits Day
November 1 is . . . . . Plan Your Epitaph Day
November 1 is . . . . . Sadie Hawkins Day
November 2 is . . . . . Monarch Butterfly Day
November 2 is . . . . . National Deviled Egg Day
November 2 is . . . . . National Celebacy Day
November 3 is . . . . . Fat Lady Sings Day
November 3 is . . . . . Sandwich Day
November 3 is . . . . . Cliché Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Actual
Sandy Berger Has a New Best Friend: "Man
Puts Puppy in Pants and Slips Off" ---St. Petersburg (FL) Times
Why Not Replace Them With STERN Ones?:
"LAX Screeners Fail 75% of Bomb-Detection Tests" ---Los Angeles
Help Wanted: "Cross-Dressing Bandit
Sought" ---Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
If He's So Independent-Minded, Why Is He
Consulting an Oracle?: "An Independent-Minded CEO Faces Oracle" ---The Wall
News You Can Use: "Mental Disorders Are
Disorders of the Brain" ---Science Daily
Story of the Day: "Pa. Woman Accused of
Being a Potty Mouth" ---Associated Press
IT'S OFFICIAL -- AMERICA IS 100% BIPOLAR:
"AP Poll: Americans Optimistic for 2007" -- AP headline, December 30; "Poll:
Americans See Gloom, Doom in 2007" -- AP headline, December 31
Bumper stickers seen around the Lisbon Beltway
We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
Products of the Prolific Punster
After devouring too many cheeseburgers in paradise, Jimmy Buffet had piled
on tons of weight. He immediately rented a villa in a Budapest fat farm run by a
Hungarian martinette named Rita. She so starved him and had him run and work out
morning, noon and night, that after just three weeks he literally was wasting
away in Magyar Rita's ville.
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter in the suburb called
Absurbia, just outside of the city of Absurdia, the principal city of The
Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where our few high school graduates
proudly wear their t-shirts reading "I is a Graduate"
But, on the other hand .................
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God