November 2, 2007
Pushing back the frontiers of
Does your Senator vote any more? Probably not.
In one recent week, the Senate passed 153 bills without a vote. How it
works: Dirty Harry Reid calls "Go along with the crowd" Mitch McConnell on a
special hotline and asks if he objects - if he or a staff member
doesn't answer in 15 minutes, or misses the call, the bill passes. How do
you like the Liberal leadership now? Is this what you voted for? Yes it
Marvelous Mary's Mental
There's no rehab for stupidity
I was awarded custody of Brittany's children this
week and I don't even know where they are!
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance"
mean the same thing?
Why are "wise man" and "wise guy"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world
is Chinese. And there are 6 people in my family, so it must be, that at
least one of us is Chinese.
Stupendous Sarah's Serious Sayings ..........................
November is National Peanut Butter Lover's Month
This is Pursuit of Happiness Week [Pursue away!]
November 4 is . . . . . Waiting For The Barbarians Day
November 4 is . . . . . National Chicken Lady Day
November 5 is . . . . . The Truth will out and hurt Day
November 5 is . . . . . Gunpowder Day
November 5 is . . . . . Guy Fawkes Day, celebrated in the UK. [Let's not
ever forget Guy!]
November 6 is . . . . . The Lost Chord Day [I Thought we found it last
November 6 is . . . . . Saxophone Day
November 6 is . . . . . Marooned Without A Compass Day
November 6 is . . . . . National Men Make Dinner Day [And good luck on
November 6 is . . . . . Return Day
November 7 is . . . . . Boy on the Burning Deck Day
November 7 is . . . . . Notary Public Day [Are you a notary sojak?]
November 8 is . . . . . If Wishes were Horses Day
November 8 is . . . . . Dunce Day
November 8 is . . . . . Abet and Aid Punsters Day [A special day for
November 8 is . . . . . Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day
November 8 is . . . . . National Ample Time Day
November 8 is . . . . . National Parents As Teachers Day [Somebody has to
November 9 is . . . . . Missing Link Day [I found the link - it's in the
November 9 is . . . . . Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is . . . . . Forget-Me-Not Day
Hilarious Hilda's Head-on Headlines ......................
Clinton Campaign Now Hiring: "Mob Wanted to Whack Rudy" ---The New York Post
And if You Believe This, We've Got a Bridge to Sell You: "Hillary Clinton:
Dental Surgery Evokes Romance in Bill" ---FoxNews.com
That Explains Maureen Dowd: "Neanderthals Described as Red-Haired" ---ABCNews.com
Once They're 7, They're on Their Own: "Learn to Raise Happy Children Up to
Age 6" ---Idaho Statesman
'What Is a Pipe Dream?': "Mideast Solution Plan in Jeopardy" ---Time.com
We Blame Global Warming: "Palestinian Soccer Team Misses World Cup
Qualifier, Blames Israel" ---Ha'aretz
Bottom Story of the Day: "Sean Penn Loses Trailer in Malibu Fire" ---TMZ.com
"THEY'RE BIGGER THAN MINE!" WIFE SOBS: "Enlarged Breasts in Men Often
Troubling" -- Chicago Sun Times headline
Belinda's Bodacious Bumper Stickers ................................
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
Hang up and drive!!
Welcome to America ... now speak English
Things I have learned .........................
The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason
why we observe daylight-saving time.
People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of
humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
The most valuable function performed by the federal government is
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you
think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at
Perilous Pauline's Penurious
There was this haunted house on the
outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townsfolk - the ghost
which 'lived' there was feared by all.
However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by
photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with
only his camera, the ghost descended upon him. He told the ghost "I mean no
harm - I just want your photograph". The ghost was quite happy at this
chance to make the headlines - he posed for a number of ghostly shots.
The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the
photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.
So what's the moral of the story?
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
And since it's Halloween week, a
We all love to travel, and vampires,
too, need their rest and relaxation. So Count Dracula went on a tour of
Europe. Having not had a meal since he'd left the homeland of Transylvania,
he was very glad when a town constable knocked on his hotel door and asked
the count to show him his passport. It didn't take Dracula long to grab the
policemen and suck every drop of blood out of him.
Now Dracula was faced with a problem.
"How do I dispose of this body?" he wondered. The only solution he could
come with was to throw the new corpse out the window "I'm so high up,
they'll never trace the body back to me. Ha ha," he cackled. So - whoosh
-- out the window went the corpse.
It just so happens that right below that
window was the customary station of an itinerant street singer. Bang! The
singer got hit right on his noggin by the falling body and was knocked
Back in his hotel room Dracula was in
the mood for "dessert," so he rang room service and asked the front desk to
send up another town constable. Ten minutes later the policeman arrived and
Dracula invited him in.
As soon as the door shut, Dracula
pounced, devoured his fresh and steaming "dessert," Again the count wondered
"How do I get rid of the body?" and then thought, 'Well, it worked once. Why
not again?' So out the window went his latest victim.
At that moment the street singer below
had just regained consciousness and was wondering what the heck was going
on. His consciousness didn't last long, however, as he was instantly knocked
out cold by Count Dracula's second victim.
Some time later the singer woke up and
saw that a small crowd had gathered around. As he regained his bearings, one
of the onlookers asked, "What's happened here?"
"It's terrible," sang the street singer.
"Drained cops keep falling on my head!"
Yesterday was All Souls Day but today is my personal day - Poor
Souls Day - here in the suburbs of the city of Absurdia, the
principal city of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where our
drop-out academies are flourishing under the continued leadership of the
same old party for the last 50 years.
But, on the other hand .................
People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road,
and the back of the church.