November 9, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ...................

 
The elected (yes we did!) representatives of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan have decided that we need to pay taxes on all services.  Well, not quite.  Lawyers and Landscapers (Our two most honored professions!) are exempted.  (Make up your own joke and insert here - possibilities are endless!)
 
These same representatives could not find enough support among their members (the VAST majority) to pass a "slots" bill are going to put it on a referendum.
 
And, if you have retired to another state (any state - who could blame you?) and come back to visit your family for more than 90 days, you MUST pay all Maryland income taxes for the entire year.

Marvelous Mary's Meteoric Mutterings .............
 
Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration.
 
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect
 
Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
 
Q. What is the Native American word for "lousy hunter?"  A. Vegetarian. 
 
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made
 
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?  
 
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? 

Serendipitous Sarah's Specific Sayings ..................
 
November is National Georgia Pecan Month
 
This is Pursuit of Happiness Week
 
November 11 is . . . . . Air Day

November 12 is . . . . . National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day    [Amen!]

November 13 is . . . . . National Indian Pudding Day

November 14 is . . . . . Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day    [Who? Me?]

November 14 is . . . . . American Teddy Bear Day

November 15 is . . . . . National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

November 16 is . . . . . Button Day

November 16 is . . . . . Alascattalo Day(About Alaska)

November 16 is . . . . . Eighteenth Century Threshing Day    [I always take this day off]

November 17 is . . . . . Take A Hike Day    [This has been suggested to me by MANY]

November 17 is . . . . . Coping With Uncertainty Day

November 17 is . . . . . Homemade Bread Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines ...............................
 
Keeping a positive outlook: "Manhattan will be underwater by 2050." ---CBS's Harry Smith re: global warming
 
The Democratic Primary Heats Up: "Living Donkey Meat Ad Sparks Controversy" ---Reuters
 
Help Wanted: "Police Impersonator Sought" ---Boston Globe
 
Food Fight!: "Rice to Turkey: Kurds Are 'Common Threat"' ---USA Today
 
But 83 Other Reports Say the Opposite: "State Report Says Texas Has Too Many Reports" ---Associated Press
 
News of the Tautological: "New York City Marathon Winners Cross the Finish Line" ---FoxNews.com
 
News You Can Use: "Squirrels Safe to Eat Again in New Jersey" ---Daily News (New York)
Pauline, the Perilous Punster ................
 
Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking.   Hans ran inside to get help, yelling "Mom! Dad!  Come quick! There's a franc in Stein!" 
 
And a bonus ...............
 
There once was a brave Indian
Who, seeing a church, walked right in
On seeing the pews
He slipped off his shoes
So people would not mock 'is sin
Bodacious Belinda's Bumper Stickers ...................
 
Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
 
Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
 
My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
 
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
 
I is a college student.
Freddy's Free Advice ..............................
 
Regular naps prevent old age ... especially if you take them while driving.
 
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
 
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
 
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried that but they wanted cash.

And, since I have more time on my hands.  My watch strap broke ............................
 
Q. Did You Hear About The Husband That Blamed Arithmetic For His Divorce? A. His Wife Put Two And Two Together.
 
Q. Did You Hear About The Husband That Broke His Neck Raking Leaves? A. He Fell Out Of The Tree.

And that's it for this week from your embedded reporter, here on the outskirts of the city of Absurdia, located in the People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we don't pay near enough taxes and get way too much education for those tax dollars.

But, on the other hand ......................
 
The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.
 
And, another bonus
 
It is never to late to be what you might have been

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