November 16, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ...........

 
For you junk science junkies: (CNSNews.com) – A new survey of American members of the United Nation’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change suggests that there is not firm scientific consensus on global warming, as proponents of swift action to curb carbon emissions have suggested.....
 
Although Joe Stalin killed more people then Hitler, the junk science queen of all time, Rachel Carson, is catching up and will surpass both Stalin & Hitler some day.
 
Our state legislature has adopted an official new policy - it is called the "No Lobbyist Left Behind" Act

Melodious Mary's Marvelous Mutterings ..................
 
What are we to make of the fact that NBC News wanted to hire Rosie O'Donnell as a show host?  Was Hugo Chavez not available?"
 
The writers are on strike... They are calling this the toughest time for comedy writing since those three weeks back in the '90s when Bill Clinton stopped dating.
 
Anyone who denies having been stupid as a kid is either still a kid or still stupid.
 
If your spouse isn't talking to you, don't interrupt.
 
I used to have trouble choking down the pills I have to take for controlling my cholesterol, but it's a lot easier now that I wrap them in bacon.
Sappy Sarah's Stupendous Sayings .....................
 
November is National Vegan Month   
 
This is Better Conversation Week    [Keep quiet for a change]
 
November 18 is . . . . . Occult Day

November 19 is . . . . . Have A Bad Day Day    [Why don't we have a bad hair day?]
 
November 20 is . . . . . Absurdity Day

November 20 is . . . . . Name Your PC Day

November 21 is . . . . . False Confessions Day    [Have you seen OJ lately?]

November 21 is . . . . . World Hello Day
 
November 22 is . . . .  .Start Your Own Country Day    [One of my favorites!]

November 23 is . . . . . National Cashew Day

November 24 is . . . . . Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines ................
 
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? "Prison Offers Inmates Pole-vaulting Lessons" -- London Daily Express
 
We Blame George W. Bush: "Newly Discovered Planets Are Scorchingly Hot" ---FoxNews.com
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Cow Falls Off Cliff and Hits Van" ---Associated Press
 
It's Still 100%: "Extra Weight Said Won't Raise Death Risk" ---Associated Press
 
Good Luck With That: "Police Hope 'Pee-Wee Herman' Can Help Them Solve a Violent Crime" ---Star Tribune (Minneapolis)
 
'Dude, This'll Make Us the Highest Court in the Land!': "Calif. Court Considers Marijuana Use" ---Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Police Station No Place to Smoke Weed" ---Associated Press
Perilous Pauline's Ponderous Puns ...................................
 
A tractor trailer driver lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it into hundreds of pieces.
While filling out the police and insurance reports for the damage he had caused, he noticed a crew of workers picking up each broken piece of the wrecked tollbooth and spreading some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than twenty minutes, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

Amazed at what he had witnessed, he asked the police officer, "What was that white stuff those men used to assemble all those pieces together?"

The police officer smiled and said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

Fantastic Frieda's Free Advice ....................
 
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
 
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
 
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without.
 
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
 
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

You may be too stressed if .................
 
You can achieve a "runners high" by sitting up.
 
The sun is too loud.
 
You are missing several days from this week.
 
Trees begin to chase you.
 
You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
That's it this week from your embedded reporter hiding on the outskirts of Absurdia, the principal city of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the state legislators have a new plan to "Build a bridge to your wallet."

But, on the other hand ....................
 
Quit griping about your church;  if it was perfect,  you couldn't belong.

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