November 23, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .....................

 
The Xerox company (and others) have made available a web site where you can, for free, send thank you cards to our troops.  The card covers were designed by children and you have a large number of suggested messages or you can do your own:  http://www.LetsSayThanks.com  Just another way to say thanks for living in this country...........
 
Thanks to Huber Smutz for sending this link!

Melodious Mary's Manic Mutterings ....................
 
I'm not saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned over and pushed me.
 
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
 
The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless
 
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win it, you're still a rat
 
If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled
Silly Sarah's Stupendous Sayings .......................
 
November is... International Drum Month
 
This is National Headache Week    [And I thought it was the week of April 15]
 
November 25 is . . . . . National Parfait Day

November 26 is . . . . . Shopping Reminder Day

November 26 is . . . . . What Do You Love About America? Day

November 27 is . . . . . Pins And Needles Day

November 28 is . . . . . Buy Nothing Day

November 29 is . . . . . Square Dance Day

November 29 is . . . . . Electronic Greenings Day

November 30 is . . . . . Computer Security Day

November 30 is . . . . . Stay At Home Because You're Well Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines .............................
 
NEXT, A REPORT WILL DISCUSS WHY THEY NEEDED A REPORT TO TELL THEM THIS: "State Report Says Texas Has Too Many Reports" -- AP headline
 
THAT WON'T WORK EITHER: "Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women" -- AP headline
 
SOMEONE HAS A ONE-TRACK MIND: "Toy Maker Equips Train with Condom" --  Reuters headline
 
OBVIOUSLY IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE: "Utah Risks Loosing its Best Teachers"   -- Salt Lake Tribune headline
 
SORE LOSER: "Young Encouraged to Worship Bodies, Not Brains --Head" -- PA headline
 
But Why Did She Ever Start?: "Woman Stopped Wearing Girdle of Live Crocodiles" ---Associated Press
 
Wouldn't That Be the Hip?: "Authorities Investigating Possible Link Between Torso, Leg Washed Ashore in New York" ---FoxNews.com
 
Try Something Simple, Like 'See Spot Run': "Military Officials Discuss Sentence for Hicks" ---NPR.org
 
News You Can Use: "Tourists, Land Mines Don't Mix" ---Globe and Mail (Toronto)

You know you are too stressed if ...................................
 
You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you've said it before.

You can hear mimes.

Things become "very clear."   Everything is "very clear, indeed."

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

Palatable Puns from the Previous Punster ...............................
 
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.   After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
 
The Lone Ranger said, "I do, Why?"   The cowboy said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"   The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was about to die from heat exhaustion.  The Lone Ranger got water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
 
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and said, "I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to help cool him down."    Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and begins running circles around Silver.  Unable to do anything except wait, the Lone Ranger returns to the bar to finish his drink.
 
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse out side?"    The Lone Ranger stands and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun running."
Bumper Stickers from the Lisbon Beltway ................
 
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
 
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
 
Eschew obfuscation.
 
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
 
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

I wonder why ........................
 
When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?

Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next Exit"?
Well, that's it this week from your embedded reporter, lurking in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where they have built a bridge to your wallet and we don't care if our kids can "reed & rite" as long as they can vote for the party in power.

But, on the other hand ....................
 
Don't let your worries get the best of you;  remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

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