November 30, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ............

 
Looking forward to the 2008 presidential elections? 
 
On one side we have Hillary & Obama.  Both with no real experience except that maybe Hillary slept with a president once.
 
What can be said about the other side?  The only positive thing I can think of is at least they are not Hillary!

Medieval Mary's Melodic Meanderings ............
 
To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world. Except exercise, get up early or be respectable.
 
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.  
 
I disagree with my psychiatrist's assertion that I'm depressed because I have a serotonin imbalance. I'm pretty sure the real reason is: My life sucks.  
 
The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills. . The agents will be called "Pseudo Feds."
 
Politicians are interested in people.   Not that this is always a virtue.    Fleas are interested in dogs
Superficial Sarah's Specific Sayings ...........................
 
December is National Stress-free Family Holidays Month    [Yeah, like that is going to happen]
 
This is Cookie Cutter Week!    [Get them out of the drawer and ready to go!]
 
December 1 is . . . Day Without Art Day    [Poor Art, to forget him so quickly!]

December 1 is . . . National Pie Day

December 1 is . . . Eat a Red Apple Day

December 2 is . . . National Fritters Day   [Don't fritter away this important day]

December 3 is . . . National Roof over Your Head Day

December 4 is . . . Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 5 is . . . Bathtub Party Day    [One of my favorites]

December 5 is . . . National Communicate With Your Kids Day    [Are you sure they will listen?]

December 5 is . . . National Sacher Torte Day  

December 6 is . . . National Gazpacho Day

December 6 is . . . National Pawnbrokers Day

December 7 is . . . National Cotton Candy Day

December 8 is . . . Most Boring Celebrities Of The Year Day    [My vote is for .....]

December 8 is . . . Take it in the Ear Day    [Try to speak more loudly]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines ..............................
 
BIG MAC ATTACK: "Cows Flee after Seeing McDonald's" -- AP headline
 
Shouldn't They Have Warned Before Shooting?: "Iraq Warns Foreign Security Firms After Shooting" ---Reuters
 
Nice to Know They Died Someplace Pretty: "Pakistan Says Killed 30 Militants in Scenic Valley" ---Reuters
 
Can't Mrs. Clinton's People Write the Questions?: "CBS Strike Could Put Debate in Disarray" ---The Politico
 
If an Expert Bites a Dog, That's News: "Dog-Bite Expert to Blame, Pathologist Says" ---Globe and Mail (Toronto)
 
That's Why They're Not Republicans: "Demos Appoint King to Lead Them" ---Deseret Morning News (Salt Lake City)
 
News You Can Use: "Study: Blondes Make Men Act Dumber" ---FoxNews.com
 
Better Late Than Never: "New Orleans Unveils Katrina Recovery Plan" ---Reuters

Perilous Pauline's Pugnacious Puns ........................................
 
Beau Bridges took a meteorology course in which the instructor was describing how hail is formed -- much higher than the usual rain clouds. When he asked where specifically it happened, he was told, "Somewhere over the rain, Beau."  

Q. What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini?  
A. Olive or twist? 
 
And a bonus ............
 
A dog owner in Dallas had a pit bull that hated to walk. He kept sitting down and bracing his feet so that his owner would have to drag him by his leash.    The owner finally gave up when he realized that he was just creating for himself a bottomless pit! 
Ursula's Unanswered Questions ....................
 
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter hiding what little is left from the Governor O'Malley's  tax committee here in Absurdia, the principal city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan

But, on the other hand .....................
 
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
Now I know better than to show pictures of new family members, but....
 
Do you have any suggestions?  [email protected]

Return to the Friday's Musings Main Page

Return to the A-1 Associates Main Page