December 28, 2007

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ................

 
At the summit of national power, politicians and bureaucrats are terrified at the idea of endorsing the religious views of the majority of Americans.   Our First Amendment forbids the establishment of a state religion, but many of our governing elites are taking it a step further, outlawing its very existence from the public conversation.

It's two centuries since the passage of the First Amendment, and our presidential candidates still cannot distinguish establishment from free exercise ..........................
Marvelous Mary's  Meager Meanderings ...................
 
Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."  
 
"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive"
 
"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account
 
I don't care how optimistic you may be, a diaper is never half empty.
 
Nothing is as terrible to see as ignorance in action
Stupendous Sarah's Sagacious Sayings .......................
 
January is Take a New Year's Resolution to Stop Everything
 
This is Diet Resolution Week
 
January 1 is...Get A Life Day    [Surely you don't mean me?]
 
January 1 is...First Foot Day   [Left or right?]
 
January 2 is...Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day  
 
January 2 is...Happy Mew Year for Cats Day
 
January 3 is...Festival of Sleep Day  
 
January 4 is...Dimpled Chad Day    [Lest we forget]
 
January 4 is...Humiliation Day  
 
January 5 is...Trivia Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Actual Headlines ..........................
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Ski Resorts Warmed by East's First Big Snowfall" ---Lexington (KY) Herald-Leader  ++   "First Snow Prompts Schools to Close Early" ---WTOP-AM Web site (Washington)  ++   "Snow Sets More Records in Grand Forks, Fargo" ---Associated Press  ++ "Portland Ties 1890 Snow Record" ---Portland (ME) Press Herald ++   "Coldest Winter in Years,
Environment Canada Warns" ---CTV.ca  ++   "Record Home Foreclosures Cause Snow Removal Problems" ---KSTP-TV Web site (Minneapolis)   "Gore Gets Nobel, Warns of Ominous Threat" ---Associated Press
 
RESCUE ME: "China Bans Firemen from Receiving Sexual Bribes" -- AFP headline
 
What Would We Do Without New Yorkers?: "French Have Attitude Problem Says New Yorker" ---Financial Times
 
What Would We Do Without Terror Experts?: "Terror Expert: Terrorists Will Stop at Nothing" ---Naples (FL) News
 
What Would We Do Without Soothsayers?: "Year of Pig Signals Conflicts Before New World Order: Soothsayers" ---Agence France-Presse

Prideful Paul's Ponderous Punnings ............................
 
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.  
 
Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.   Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.   Says one: "We don't seem to be having much luck."   The other replies: "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find.
 
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip when they came upon a great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed they would meet in twenty years at the same place and renew the experience.   Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long, came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"   "No, it's not."   "Yes, I recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side."    "Don't be silly. You can't tell a brook by its clover."

Signs That Your Life Is About To Change ..................
 
While watching the news, you spot your spouse marching in a Gay Pride parade. 
 
The bank notifies you that your paycheck has bounced. 
 
On a densely foggy morning, while driving in the center lane of a highway, you suddenly run out of gas. 
 
You arrive at your wedding to find, two ushers, four bridesmaids, and six pallbearers. 
 
You ask your doctor for a physical and he replies, "I'm sorry, I don't do autopsies."

The Worlds Thinnest Books ............................
 
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Illustrated by Michael Moore
 
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
 
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL  by Hillary Clinton
 
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter hiding in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principal city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we LOVE higher taxes and HATE educating our children......

But, on the other hand ...................
 
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
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