December 28, 2007
Pushing back the frontiers of
At the summit of national power,
politicians and bureaucrats are terrified at the idea of endorsing the
religious views of the majority of Americans. Our First Amendment forbids
the establishment of a state religion, but many of our governing elites are
taking it a step further, outlawing its very existence from the public
It's two centuries since the passage of the First Amendment,
and our presidential candidates still cannot distinguish establishment from
free exercise ..........................
Marvelous Mary's Meager
Now is the accepted time to make your
regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with
them as usual."
"New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance
be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive"
"Good resolutions are simply checks that
men draw on a bank where they have no account
I don't care how optimistic you may be,
a diaper is never half empty.
Nothing is as terrible to see as
ignorance in action
Stupendous Sarah's Sagacious
January is Take a New Year's Resolution
to Stop Everything
This is Diet Resolution Week
January 1 is...Get A Life Day [Surely
you don't mean me?]
January 1 is...First Foot Day [Left or
January 2 is...Run Up the Flagpole and
See if Anybody Salutes It Day
January 2 is...Happy Mew Year for Cats
January 3 is...Festival of Sleep Day
January 4 is...Dimpled Chad Day [Lest
January 4 is...Humiliation Day
January 5 is...Trivia Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Actual
We Blame Global Warming: "Ski Resorts
Warmed by East's First Big Snowfall" ---Lexington (KY) Herald-Leader ++
"First Snow Prompts Schools to Close Early" ---WTOP-AM Web site
(Washington) ++ "Snow Sets More Records in Grand Forks, Fargo"
---Associated Press ++ "Portland Ties 1890 Snow Record" ---Portland (ME)
Press Herald ++ "Coldest Winter in Years,
Environment Canada Warns" ---CTV.ca ++ "Record Home Foreclosures Cause
Snow Removal Problems" ---KSTP-TV Web site (Minneapolis) "Gore Gets Nobel,
Warns of Ominous Threat" ---Associated Press
RESCUE ME: "China Bans Firemen from
Receiving Sexual Bribes" -- AFP headline
What Would We Do Without New Yorkers?:
"French Have Attitude Problem Says New Yorker" ---Financial Times
What Would We Do Without Terror
Experts?: "Terror Expert: Terrorists Will Stop at Nothing" ---Naples (FL)
What Would We Do Without Soothsayers?:
"Year of Pig Signals Conflicts Before New World Order: Soothsayers" ---Agence
Prideful Paul's Ponderous Punnings ............................
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm
going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly,
the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it,
until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the
Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan
burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.
Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. Says one:
"We don't seem to be having much luck." The other replies: "Keep on
digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find.
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip when they came upon a
great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which
was super. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from
college soon, they vowed they would meet in twenty years at the same place
and renew the experience. Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a
spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and
before long, came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is
the place!" "No, it's not." "Yes, I recognize the clover growing on the
bank on the other side." "Don't be silly. You can't tell a brook by its
Signs That Your Life Is About To Change ..................
While watching the news, you spot your spouse marching in a Gay Pride
The bank notifies you that your paycheck has bounced.
On a densely foggy morning, while driving in the center lane of a highway,
you suddenly run out of gas.
You arrive at your wedding to find, two ushers, four bridesmaids, and six
You ask your doctor for a physical and he replies, "I'm sorry, I don't do
The Worlds Thinnest Books ............................
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Illustrated by
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse
Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter hiding in the
outskirts of Absurdia, the principal city of The Peoples Democratic Republic
of Absurdistan where we LOVE higher taxes and HATE educating our
But, on the other hand ...................
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.