January 4, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .................

Did you know that when Mike Huckabee was governor of Arkansas, he had a gift registry where he was registered so that citizens could send him gifts......................
And on the other side, in a news conference, Deanna Favre announced that she will be the starting QB for the Packers next season because she spent the last 16 years married to Brett Favre while he was QB.  Because of this, she understands how to pick up a corner blitz and knows the terminology of the Packers offense. A poll of Packer fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.   Does this sound idiotic and unbelievable to you?  Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be president and 50% of democrats agreed

Meticulous Mary's Melodic Meanderings .....................
I used to try a lot of different sports when I was a kid.  Then I got older and realized you can *buy* trophies.  Now I'm good at everything.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.  
If the Ravens had won eight of their last three games, we would have been in the playoffs!
Lately I find myself forgetting little things. I think I may have micronesia.
In 1901, Annie Taylor became the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.   She was a genius compared to her son, Ralph Taylor, who went over the side of the Empire State Building in a barrel in 1932.

Serendipitous Sarah's Silly Sayings ...................
January is International Wealth Mentality Month  (I can't make this stuff up!)
This is Silent Record Week
This is also Someday We'll Laugh About This Week
January 6 is...National Smith Day
January 6 is...Organize Your Home Day    [Yeah, that's going to happen]
January 8 is...National Joy Germ Day
January 8 is...Man Watcher's Day   [And I'm watching who's watching]
January 8 is...Show and Tell Day at Work    [No raise this year]
January 9 is...Play God Day  
January 10 is...Peculiar People Day   [Who? Moi?]
January 11 is...National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day  
January 12 is...Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day  
Harmonious Hilda's Hilarious Headlines ......................
Breaking News From a Long Time Ago: "Distant Galaxy Threatened by 'Death Star"' ---CBC.ca
We Blame Global Warming: "Norwegian Cruise Ship Hits Iceberg in Antarctic" ---Associated Press
Help Wanted: "Montgomery Co. Police Seek Police Impersonators" ---WJZ-TV Web site (Baltimore)
News You Can Use: "How to Survive a Fall From a 47-Story High-Rise" ---FoxNews.com
"Woman Doesn't Want Dog in Bathroom During Couple's Shower" ---Associated Press
Al Gore: That's Nothing, I Invented the Damn Thing: "Kim Jong Il: I'm an Internet Expert" ---Associated Press

Signs your life is about to change .........................
The IRS invites you to a weenie-roast and the invitation begins with "Dear Weenie...". 
While surfing the internet, you suddenly get the following dialogue box: "ICBM launch successful." 
You receive an invitation from the Oval Office to "chew the fat". 
You hear that your dentist has been arrested for using radio-active material as tooth-filling.
At the vacant house next door, you notice a U-Haul van and a truck which looks very similar to the one on the Beverly Hillbillies. 
Your twelve-year-old daughter suddenly develops a craving for pickles and ice cream.

Questions that have yet to be answered ...................
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp to have a S in it?
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids?
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter, hiding here in the outskirts of the City of Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the legislators cheered when they passed the largest tax increases in the history of the state, making those who voted for them, the highest taxed citizens in the mid-atlantic region..............
BUT, on the other hand ....................
Life is a series of problems.   Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one or you're getting ready to go into another one. (Sounds like relationships)
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

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