January 18, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance
NOW THEY'RE DEMANDING WE GIVE UP OUR
That's right! The Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is going after a Salvation Army thrift store
BECAUSE IT REQUIRED EMPLOYEES TO SPEAK ENGLISH ON THE JOB! The store even
gave everyone a year to learn English. Two refused and were fired.
It's about time to get back our country!
Meticulous Mary's Moronic
illegal immigrant an "undocumented worker" is like calling a drug dealer an
It's not whether you win or lose, it's
how you place the blame
A fool and his money can throw a hell of
When blonds have more fun, do they know
Don't drink & drive, you might hit a
bump and spill something
Superfluous Sarah's Stupendous Simpering
January is National Yours, Mine and Ours Month
This is ... Cuckoo Dancing Week [And you know who
This is ... International Thank-You Days [So, here
This is ... Wilderness Wildlife Week of Nature
This is ... Man Watcher's Week [For whom?]
This is ... Bald Eagle Appreciation Days [And if we
can appreciate a bald eagle, how about a bald guy?]
This is ... Healthy Weight Week
This is ... Hunt For Happiness Week [Watch where you
start the hunt!]
This is ... National Creative Frugality Week [This
would have been longer but....]
This is ... Solo-Preneuring Week [And good luck with
This is ... National Handwriting Analysis Week [Not
mine - can't read mine]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious
"LIVES TO REGRET IT" ILLUSTRATED: "Man
Survives Six Storey Fall into Trash Compactor" -- Davenport (Iowa) Quad-City
Breaking News From 1989-93,
2001-Present: "Bush Faces Obstacles in Mideast"---Associated Press
Breaking News From Genesis 6:19-20:
"Remember Pets When Flooding Occurs"---Times (Munster, IN)
There Are 435 to Choose From: "House
Appropriator Wants Flake on Spending Panel"---The Hill
News of the Tautological: "Olmert: No
Peace Unless Attacks Stop"---Associated Press
News You Can Use: "Board Member:
Drinking, Nudity Don't Mix"---Naperville (IL) Sun
Bottom Story of the Day: "Asteroid
Unlikely to Collide With Mars"---Associated Press
Perilous Paul's Ponderous Puns ...........................
No matter how much joy juice Bob drank at the company party, he couldn't
crack a smile, even once, because he had a secret: Bob was laughtose
One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is
real excited and asks the manager if
he can work the juice machines. The manager says no.
The bagger says, "But I've been working here for 5 years, why can't I run
the juice machines?"
The manager goes, "I'm sorry, son, but, baggers can't be juicers."
More of the World's Thinnest Books .....................
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J Kevorkian
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter lurking in the outskirts
of Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Socialistic Republic of
Absurdistan where rumors of the current Governor's upcoming recall
were started by the overtaxed citizens who claimed "They never knew this guy
was a tax and spender." Bull crap!
But, on the other hand ...............
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
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