January 25, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ............

 
Phillip Agee, ex-CIA employee and darling of the liberals, died in Cuba this week.   You may remember him as the coward that fled to Europe and then published a book naming active CIA agents and causing some of their deaths.  It's ironic and fitting that he died from a simple infection in that mecca of free health care, Cuba.....
 
In the latest telephone poll taken by the Arizona Governor's office, it asked people who live in Arizona if they think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."  
 
71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa.

Meticulous Mary's Meritorious Mutterings .............
 
The original point & click interface was a Smith & Wesson
 
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
 
One good thing about Alzheimer's is that you get to meet new people every day

There is no problem so big or complicated that it can't be run away from
 
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights

Silly Sarah's Stupendous Sayings .................
 
January is National Yours, Mine and Ours Month
 
This is National No Name Calling Week
 
January 27 is...Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day    [And, I do!]
 
January 27 is...Thomas Crapper Day      [Insert your own joke here] 
 
January 28 is...National Kazoo Day    [Everybody loves a kazoo!]
 
January 28 is...Clash Day
 
January 28 is...Rattle Snake Round-Up Day   [I always look forward to this day!]
 
January 29 is...Freethinkers Day
 
January 29 is...National Puzzle Day
 
January 29 is...National Cornchip Day
 
January 29 is...Freethinkers Day
 
January 30 is...Inane Answering Message Day
 
January 30 is...Escape Day    [From what?]
 
January 31 is...National Popcorn Day
 
January 31 is...Fun at Work Day    [Where did you say you work?]

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines ....................
 
HIGHLY LEVERAGED: "Why Pregnant Women Don't Tip Over" -- New York Times headline
 
Breaking News From 1992: "Clinton Unveils Plan to Stimulate Economy" --- MSNBC.com  ++  Breaking News From 2007: "Bush to Propose Plan to Stimulate Economy"---(Minneapolis) Star Tribune
 
Breaking News From 28000 B.C.: "Smelly Caveman Worries Nursing Home Staff"---United Press International
 
There's No Reason for Such Name-Calling: "Search and Rescue, Sheriff Butt Heads"---Lewiston (Idaho) Tribune
 
Wouldn't an iPod Have Been Cheaper?: "Brain Surgery Lets Woman Listen to Music"---Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Never, Never Spit Gasoline While Smoking"---Associated Press
 
Teacher Who Spanked Girls Wants His Job Back"---St. Maries (Idaho) Gazette Record 
 
New Zealand Man Arrested for Driving Lawnmower While Drunk"---Associated Press

Putative Pauls Puns .......................

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
 
And a bonus round ......................
 
A brilliant research scientist was finally able to overcome the obstacles to cloning a human being.
 
But the experiment didn't turn out very well. The clone was terribly ugly, and used the most vulgar language the  
doctor had ever heard. So he took it to a cliff and pushed it off.  
 
The police, actually saw him get rid of the clone. "You're under arrest," shouted the officer.  
 
"You can't arrest me," replied the doctor. "I didn't kill anyone. That was only a creation."  
 
"That may be so," answered the police, "but we have to arrest you for making an obscene clone fall."  

The world's thinnest books ....................
 
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O.J. Simpson
 
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES by Ted Kennedy
 
MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
 
COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY! By Nancy Pelosi 
with an introduction from Harry Reid
Did you ever wonder .....................
 
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
 
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
 
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
 
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
 
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
That's it this week from your embedded reporter. Gotta run.........
On the other hand .....................
 
Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities - always see them, for they're always there.  

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