March 7, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ...........

 
Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good
 
Liberals love to talk about this or that human right, such as a right to health care, food or housing. That's a perverse usage of the term 'right.' A right, such as a right to free speech, imposes no obligation on another, except that of non-interference

Marvelous Mary's Merry Mutterings ..........................
 
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
 
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?
 
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
 
Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

Superficial Sarah's Strident Stutterings ......................
 
March is International Mirth Month
 
This is National Toad Hollow Week
 
March 9 is . . Panic Day    [But, DON'T]

March 10 is . . Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day 

March 10 is . . Mario Day

March 11 is . . Organize Your Home Office Day    [And you know who you are]

March 11 is . . Johnny Appleseed Day

March 11 is . . Worship of Tools Day     [Just for us guys]

March 13 is . . National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day

March 13 is . . Jewel Day    [And it is a jewel of a day]

March 14 is . . National Potato Chip Day

March 15 is . . Brutus Day    [Et tu?]

March 15 is . . Buzzard's Day

March 15 is . . Everything You Think Is Wrong Day    [Only if you have teenagers!]

March 15 is . . Maple Syrup Day
 
March 15 is . . National Quilting Day

March 15 is . . True Confessions Day

March 15 is . . Buzzard's Day     [And, you know who YOU are]
Hilarious Hilda's Happy Headlines ...................
 
IF YOU'RE SMOKING, WE'LL ASSUME YOU'RE ON FIRE AND TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION: "Cancer Stick Clash: Man Puts out Girlfriend's Cigarette with Fire Extinguisher" -- Der Spiegel (Germany
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Dead Heats in Ohio and Texas" ---MSNBC.com
 
UFO Pilots in Training: "9/11 Redux: 'Thousands of Aliens' in U.S. Flight Schools Illegally" ---ABCNews.com
 
Breaking News From 1933: "Writers Officially Okay New Deal" ---E! Online
 
It's Always in the Last Place You Look: "Scientists Find Map in People's Hair" ---Salt Lake Tribune
 
The Guys Who Caught It, That's WHO!: "WHO Says Drug-Resistant TB Spreads Fast" ---Associated Press

Saucy Suzi's Singular Sayings ........................
 
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
 
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

Punctual Paula's Perennial Puns ..................................................
 
During rehearsal, the high school Music Director was beside himself. The cymbal player in the band was constantly coming in at the wrong time with his cymbal clash. The young man maintained that his entry point gave a much better effect and that he wouldn't play it as written. When the Music Director was asked by the Principal why he fired the young musician from the band, he replied,  
 
"It was a simple case of cymbal disobedience."  
 
And, a bonus for those who haven't smiled yet ................
 
When a Japanese knight
Draws a sword for a fight,
That's Samurai.
(to the tune That's Amore)
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter, from just outside the fabled Woodbine Beltway, a stones throw (and you know I like to throw stones) from the City of Absurdia, only second in murders to Detroit but we are trying harder, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we raised the sales tax 20% and can't understand why tax revenues are down. (But not PA's, DE's, WV's or VA's tax revenues)
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