March 16 is . . Everything You Do Is Right Day
March 17 is . . St Patrick's Day
March 17 is . . Act Happy Day [Even if you are not Irish]
March 17 is . . Freedom of Information Day [Have you checked the price of
March 17 is . . Submarine Day
March 18 is . . Supreme Sacrifice Day [I thought that was April 15th!]
March 18 is . . Awkward Moments Day
March 19 is . . Poultry Day
March 20 is . . Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
March 20 is . . Absolutely Incredible Kid Day
March 20 is . . National Agriculture Day
March 20 is . . National Common Courtesy Day [Not if I get there first!]
March 20 is . . Proposal Day [I haven't proposed lately so........]
March 21 is . . Fragrance Day
March 21 is . . Memory Day [In case you forgot!]
March 22 is . . As Young As You Feel Day [Insert your own joke here]
March 22 is . . National Goof-off Day
March 22 is . . International Day of the Seal [I need a new coat!]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious
DISPUTE SETTLED: "Police: Man Runs over
Wife after 'Who Drives' Spat" -- Florida Today headline
STRIP CLUBS SHOCK - Magistrates May Act
On Indecent Shows (Daily Mirror).
AUDIENCE TRIED TO SPOIL PLAY - But St.
Chad's Players Succeeded (Sunderland Echo).
A FARMER'S WIFE IS BEST SHOT (Glasgow
NUDIST NABBED - Unclothed Man Who Admits
Brandishing Pistol Is Charged With Carrying Concealed Weapon (Providence
Saucy Suzanne's Socratic Stutterings .....................
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
Picky Pauline's Perilous Puns ....................
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little
which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
This made him.... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And a bonus, a long one, just to upset you...............
The fairy Tinker Bell hoped to be Peter Pan's companion, but he rejected her
for the more mundane Wendy. Devastated by this downturn of events, Tinker
Bell decided to get as far away from Never-Never Land as she could. Her
flight from fantasy land ended in Fresno, California, where she became a
waitress at a roadside truckstop.
One day an especially rowdy group of truckers came into the restaurant. They
got roaring drunk, spoke loudly and rudely, slopped chunks of food all over
the table and floor, and left Tinker Bell a measly quarter gratuity per
trucker. The enraged sprite literally flew into a tantrum, pointed to one of
the paltry coins, and screamed, "It's the wrong way to tip a fairy, who's a
long way from home!"
Things I just don't understand ...................
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,
he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter, lurking on the
outskirts of the Woodbine Beltway (satellite photo soon) and still a
resident of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where sales tax
revenues have fallen off drastically, even after our partying Governor gave
us the largest increase in sales tax, ever! Gee, how does that work? Why
is that? You mean we didn't learn that the last time? What's wrong with
But on the Other Hand ...........