April 4, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance ..............

Obama has released his tax records (Hillary still can't find hers) and proved he is a true liberal!  He donated about 1% of his income to charity.  Like all liberals, he wants to give your money to charity and keep his own!
After Spitzer was forced to leave office in NY, his replacement - David Paterson - immediately confessed to having numerous sexual affairs.  Paterson is blind.  But, in keeping with recent Democrat politics, even being blind didn't keep him from seeing other women!

Melodic Mary's Meticulous Mutterings ................
I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.  She is always waiting for me to get home
The crime situation in New York city has gotten so bad that when I was getting off the plane I saw the pilot putting the 'club' on the steering wheel.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Whenever I'm beset by problems that seem insurmountable, I always think to myself: WWJD."   Yep, Woo Woos and Jack Daniel's can get you through pretty much anything.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Serendipitous Sarah's Superficial Statements ..............
April is International Twit Award Month
April is also National Smile Month
This is Hate Week     [Do I really have to hate anyone?]
This is also National Civility week     [How did that happen?]
 April 6 is Sorry Charlie Day    
 April 6 is Check Your Batteries Day
 April 6 is National Repot Your Plant Day    [Or is it plant your pot day?]
 April 6 is Tartan Day
 April 7 is National Workplace Napping Day
 April 7 is No Housework Day
 April 8 is All Is Ours Day
 April 8 is International Feng Shui Awareness Day    [Did you know that?]
 April 9 is Stories Day    [Send your best alibi's to me]
 April 9 is Name Yourself Day
 April 10 is National Sibling Day
 April 10 is Golfers Day    [Bob H. is in charge!]
 April 10 is Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day
 April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day
 April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day
 April 12 is Walk on Your Wild Side Day    [And you know where I will be!]

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines ...............
IT'S OFFICIAL: "Official Statistics Say Don't Trust Official Statistics" -- Lancashire (England) Evening Post headline
Sounds Like a Job for Mrs. Clinton: "U.S. Envoys' Visit to Pakistan Draws Fire" ---Associated Press
What a Scoop!: "Exclusive: Clinton Vows to Push On" ---Time.com
He'll Take What He Can Get: "Butler Student Rebuffed by Chelsea Clinton Says He Likes Her Mom" ---Associated Press
Breaking News From 1597: "Romeo Is Found Guilty of Murder" ---Ledger (Lakeland, FL)
News You Can Use: "It's Fun to Imagine a Housing Turnaround" ---St. Petersburg (FL) Times
We Blame Global Warming: "Census: Texas Is the Hot Place to Live" ---Associated Press  ++   "Thick Ice Hinders Controversial Seal Hunt" ---Reuters
Redundancy at Work: "Chunk of Antarctic Ice Shelf Collapses; Global Warming Blamed" ---Associated Press
News You Can Use: "Finally, a Reason to Start Drinking Alcohol" ---Reuters

Saucy Suzi's Serious Stutterings .......................
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

Your embedded reporter, here in The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan have been claiming, for years, that Ronald Reagan was right about taxes.  Absurdistan's child governor, Martin O'Malley pushed through a 20% increase in our sales tax.  Said we needed more tax money.  Here is the projected result!  (Direct from the Maryland House of Delegates)  Their own projections show a loss of $43 million in 2008 and $76.9 million dollars in 2009.  Most Democrats are going out of state to make big ticket purchases.  Ronald Reagan was right - what you tax you get less of.......

But, on the other hand ..............
Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it's not going to go away.

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