April 11, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance .............
 
Hillary was supposed to come here to Absurdia for a Democratic fund raiser last night but she was pinned down by gunfire in Pennsylvania and couldn't make it.
 
The latest case of Victomology:  In this ever-shifting, moving bar, Barack Obama will always be the underdog. No matter how much money he raises, no matter how many wins he pulls together, no matter how many delegates he accumulates; he is still the underdog. It's the way it works." ---Michelle Obama  (An actual quote!)

Mercurial Mary's Melodious Murmurings .................
 
Someone stole my identity but returned it with an apology when they checked it out.
 
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
 
I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be
 
They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.   It's called Genitalia.

Superficial Sarah's Stupendous Sayings ....................
 
April is National Smile Month
 
This is National Egg Salad Week
 
April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day
 
April 14 is National Pecan Day
 
April 14 is International Moment of Laughter Day
 
April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day
 
April 15 is National Stress Awareness Day
 
April 16 is Self Day
 
April 16 is National Eggs Benedict Day
 
April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day
 
April 17 is National Cheeseball Day
 
April 17 is Blah, Blah, Blah Day
 
April 18 is International Jugglers Day
 
April 18 is Eggs, Eggs, Eggs Days
 
April 19 is Garlic Day  
 
April 19 is Beyond Rejection Slip Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines .................
 
Breaking News From 1998: "Clinton Focusing on Females" ---Chicago Tribune
 
Why Obama Is Winning: "Study: Angry Women Viewed as Incompetent" ---Internet Broadcasting
 
En Garde!: "Government Issues Waiver for Fencing Along Border" ---The New York Times
 
We Prefer to Call Them 'Undocumented Primates': "Illegal Marmosets Seek New Home" ---The Denver Post
 
With Friends Like These...: "Infection Nearly Kills Kennewick Man; Friends, Family Help" ---The Seattle Times
 
News of the Oxymoronic: "Bill Would Require Parents to Volunteer at Schools" ---WEWS-TV Web site (Cleveland)
 
This is news?  "State Democrats Determined to Raise Taxes" ---Los Angeles Times
Saucy Suzi's Semi-Serious Stutterings .....................
 
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
 
A will is a dead giveaway.
 
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Pretty Paula's Pretentious Puns .....................
 
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.  
 
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. 
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"  
 
"No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."  

That's it for this week from your embedded reporter, just outside the famous Woodbine beltway and a stone's throw from Absurdia, the principal city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the state legislature was to busy to do anything about Absurdia's failed schools but did find time to pass a law giving Absurdistan it's official dessert - The Smith Island Cake!

And in a final observation, I'm also worried about the state of home education - my 7 year old grandson was attacked by a Canadian Goose that was apparently protecting it's nest in a pond nearby.  His actual statement  "The bird hit me with it's feet and it's belly button..."
But, on the other hand
 
Life is a canvas - you fill in the picture.

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